Further Thoughts on Censorship

At my bible college there was a bulletin board that is mostly meaningless at this point - thanks to me. I apologize. The bulletin board is called the Wittenburg door and was supposed to be a location of free and challenging dialogue. In my first year a member of student council posted a page criticizing the student body for apathy and non-participation. I was unimpressed, not only with what I read as an unhelpful and self righteous article but also with student council, who I experienced to be disconnected, unavailable, and irrelevant. I posted a scathing rebuttle to the page which definitively crossed the line to personal and was a very public and specific criticism, full of exaggerated rhetorical flourish, of not only student council but individual people, who I didn't really know. The results were a nuclear melt down of emails and meetings and apologies and defense and discussion and rules. The rules, which I helped write will ensure that posts will probably never again challenge the powers that be and to that degree, the door has been destroyed...

What did I learn? I learned the importance of relationships and the priority of people over power-politics and rhetoric. That was a good lesson. I also learned that when you stick it to "the man" there will always be hell to pay and also usually an invitation into the establishment. I navigated the remainder of my bible college career without incident. I learned how to influence through friendships and relationships rather than very public and negative criticism and I learned how to ask questions rather than make accusations and to discuss rather than argue. These were all very good and important lessons. I also learned that churches have gatekeepers who will let you know in no uncertain terms if you cross their imaginary lines of orthodoxy.

I have for 4 years been clever with language and questions in order to create enough ambiguity to maintain relational acceptance. I have held my tongue when I want to disagree, or criticize, or argue. I have lost arguments in order to actually listen, which often leaves no time for a rebuttal. But I'm tired. I'm tired of always being concerned about what you will hear despite what I am saying. I am tired of being afraid of what you will think of me if I just tell you what I think. I am tired of valuing relationships with people who might reject me if I was open, authentic, and honest. We talk about integrity but encourage hypocrisy and social christian fakeness in order to maintain relationships, the status quo, and "future opportunities." I have decided I should probably take my mission statement seriously.

To challenge the cultural status quo, corruption, stagnation and apathy both within and outside the church, as a teacher and artist in North America.

To pursue passionately faith, learning and creativity seeking to experience God’s transformation in myself and others.

If you are a defender of status quo you have hereby been warned. Do not threaten my future, do not try and intimidate me. I am no longer having any of it.