The Wild Goose.
So today began unlike any in recent memory...but with a simple enough explanation. Simple because it is probably less remarkable than the first phrase led you to believe. I'm visiting my brother in Whistler, he moved here about two weeks ago. I woke up under a tin roof listening to the rain fall through the trees, after a long night of omelettes, wine, and laughter. Therapeutic in that it is not the same despair of waking up in the same bed as always and still being unemployed, this time at least it was a different bed, I'm still unemployed but the view was worth getting out of bed to see. Misty mountains have got to be one of my favourite things.
The day continued to be lazy, and by the time we had watched Raiders of the Lost Ark and eaten some food for lunch it was 3pm. The great thing about having nothing to do is time becomes inconsequential, one moment is not so different from the next. One day is not more memorable than that which precedes it or that which follows. It is easy to loose the days of the week, especially when it takes all of your motivation to get out of the house/apartment and you end up calling a shopping trip to the grocery store a good day's accomplishment. Whistler, however, is full of people who are making their moments count. Unlike the rest of the world, one does not doubt that the people here came here to live, to live hard and fast. To be honest it is inspiring to be surrounded by these people again. I used to call these people my community (sure it was in Calgary but let me have the poetic licence). There was purpose, people lived to ski/bike and they worked to make that a reality. The daily grind is put up with and may be bewailed over but everyone knows the people here are not here for those moments, they exist for the pure ecstasy of life that occurs in the moments they pursue their passions.
Hmm sounds mighty Christian doesn't it. Have these people, with all their roughness and hedonistic lifestyle, found and embodied what the Christian life was meant to be? (I say hedonist with the utmost respect, God being the ultimate hedonist - to borrow from the memorable and provocative C.S.Lewis) These have been some of my thoughts as i have for the past 24 hours re-entered a world I used to know quite well. It has made me wonder if somewhere along the way I got side tracked from the life I was meant to pursue? Was Bible College a detour one I should never have gone down? Here at the end of a number of years and a large chapter of my life, I am left pondering if I was meant to pursue pleasures? (I could be nice and coat it in evangelical language and say that God made me to do the things I like to do, but the bluntness of stating that it probably just the pursuit of pleasure seems more honest, more truthful)
But today is not an average day that blends into all the rest of the days in my unemployed life. Today is Sunday, a day to rest (which seems absurd when one has not done anything that could remotely be called productive. Here I echo Duncan's angst at how we measure productivity and meaning). Sunday also has become the day we who call ourselves Christians gather, and I am glad at the breadth of the definition of Christian because some days I need it much broader than others if I hope to call myself one. So I went with my brother, and Jamie, his roommate, to Church on the Mountain. And now I expect some of you who are reading this are smiling, Silas going to church. For those of you who do not know Church is one of the hardest things for me to stomach for a number of reasons, but that is an entirely different rant for another day, so i'll use the word "veneer" as my overarching reason I struggle with going to church. But I went, I actually went two weeks ago for those of you who wanted to know, so maybe I am becoming a regular attender again...who knows.
The preamble to the little talk in the service was the wild goose, the interesting thing to me was this had been the preamble to the service I went to two weeks ago as well, but a different church in a different city, hmm coincidences. But the thing about the goose is...it was the celtic understanding of God, God as the wild goose, completely unpredictable, untameable, an image of the mystery of God. That wild goose I think has been put away for far too long and it needs to be returned to its wild state. The frustration for me is that as much as I want to experience, or encounter that wild goose, the more distant the goose seems to get. Making myself available to the goose, only results in disappointment of the absence of its presence. (Enter your anti-dote of the dark night of the soul here, but I'm sceptical of this answer that has become nothing more than a band-aid answer to me.) Thus, I am left in the state which provoked this blog in the first place, abject nothingness, complete otherness, only with time, time and more time, yet nothing. Here is to wallowing, wallowing together. Maybe if we wallow together for long enough, the goose might drop by and play in the mud with us. Or maybe I am better off returning to a life of hedonism living for moments of ecstasy. Extremes, yup, but really when have I ever not lived in extremes, that would just be out of character for me.
I identify with your frustration in making one's self available to the unpredictable, mysterious God, only to experience disappointment in the absence of his presence. I have been so frustrated that my willingness to become available has significantly decreased. I often find myself refusing to seek or hope for the presence of God just to avoid the disappointment I have so often experienced.
ReplyDeleteI did not know that the wild goose was a Celtic image for God but it is fantastic and has made my day, along with your sentence about wallowing together and playing in the mud. I like much of what you wrote and think that hedonism is an interesting choice mostly lived in caricature rather the its original ideals. However, with that being said hedonism seem to be basically a live for self philosophy which at the surface at least seems to be in contrast to a christian life which would be to centered on living for others/loving others... how do you reconcile these contrasts? is the general hypocrisy and veneer of church enough to make this discussion of ideals relevant? Is the original ideal of hedonism moderate enough to remove the label of selfish? Also Jean Vanier wrote a book, Made for Happiness, which I am interested in and is a modern application of Aristotelian ethics,
ReplyDeleteDuncan-Sometimes I wonder if we have taken the "Self" out of Christianity. I think that Christianity is highly centered around self, and we degrade it when we take it out and make Christianity all about others. I think that type of Christianity skirts a line with becoming self deprecating, and becomes a shadowy form of Buddhism rather than biblical Christian followership. I see it to be biblical that God acts "with" not in place of or as we commonly call it "through" us. I think that depreciates the integral role of person and humanity, I am not some vessel to be emptied so that God can use my body, I am a creation to be partnered with. So with that I would say that the contrasts you perceive may not be contrasts at all but rather misunderstandings of the necessity of person-hood. I might go so far as to say that only acting out of self-interest can we truly act on another's behalf, as they must first communicate their own self-interest or hedonistic desires. Is this not the problem with foreign aid? We as the west tell them what they want and then give it to them without truly waiting to see what they actually want? I think this plays into the veneer of the church, as one cannot possibly know ones own self-interest, let alone communicate it to others when importance is placed on upholding a facade rather truly expressing one's desires.
ReplyDeleteExcellent. I absolutely agree regarding partnership. And the direction I see you going fits with "I and thou" thou ideas. There can be no relationship without both the I and the thou. To make life exclusively about the though is effectively to destroy relationship which requires the I to also be present and affected - the importance of mutuality in relationships. However, regarding biblical Christianity, I struggle to reconcile a statement like "only when acting out of self interest can one act on another's behalf" with "deny your self, pick up your cross and follow". In fact I think that much of our escapist theology and subsequently fear/reward evangelism come out of an attempt to demonstrate Christianity is in our self interest... And then health and wealth theology says its in your self interest right now. I think I have been working toward something along the lines of that we don't understand self interest as well as we think we do... thoughts?
ReplyDeleteButtercrunch lettuce, spinach, and a variety of salad greens available to unemployed bible college grads willing to farm work tomorrow. 604-308-7925 and ask for Reuban. If there are no grocery store excursions planned that is... Beer may be supplied if ones labour proves of the utmost quality. Also provided if ones labour proves nothing at all.
ReplyDeleteI know thıs comment ıs overdue (and full of strange Turkısh characters that I beg of you to ıgnore) but I must chıme ın sınce I've been havıng thoughts along these same lınes lately.
ReplyDeleteThe self-deprecatıng outlook on lıfe seems to flow rıght out of an gnostıc theology whose goal ıs to steal souls away to heaven (or perhaps 'away from earth' ıs a dıfferent way to say the same thıng but better for where Im takıng thıs). If our souls belong ın heaven and not here on earth then ıt ıs ındeed the more spırıtual actıvıtıes that are more ımportant. Pursuıng the pleasures of lıfe ıs really a waste of tıme at thıs poınt.
If, however, the ultımate goal of Chrıstıanıty ıs a renewed lıfe on thıs earth then ıt seems that, bıblıcally, bodıly lıfe (wıth all ıts pleasures ıncluded) ıs to be affırmed. The resurrectıon ıs God's way of communıcatıng that we are here to stay. It seems then that learnıng to enjoy lıfe ın the body ıs a very ''Chrıstıan'' pursuıt (whatever that may look lıke).
If one, ın theır pursuıt of denyıng themselves for the sake of theır neıghbor, has lost theır enjoyment of lıfe then the poınt ıs beıng mıssed.
Perhaps a selfless love of neıghbor and a pursuıt of the pleasures of lıfe are not mutually exclusıve.