While hiking under the canopy of trees covering Sumas Mountain and looking down on the lush fertile valley you cannot escape the high pitched buzzing frequency of the mosquito. Nor can you resist smacking yourself where they land causing a blood explosion, which spreads the irritable itch. In hopes of relief and finishing our hike in peace, our group put on more bug repellant, more deet. This did nothing except increase our chances of getting cancer. My whole body is covered in welts.
Regretfully I say that these nagging, intrusive, enjoyment-sucking pests remind me of Christian small talk. Christian small talk happens often in churches and other Christian circles. Those who ask questions about your life, leave room for a single sentence response yet enough time to offer their spiritual opinion, suggestion, chastisement, or encouragement particularly annoy me. When I find myself in these conversations I feel like swatting. I have been nagged to pray more, to be prayed for, to read the bible daily, to talk about Jesus with others and to hand over my problems to Jesus and never let them affect me from that day forward. I am tired of hearing the words hallelujah, praise the Lord, amen and dear heavenly father. I strongly dislike conversing about faith, beliefs or spirituality frivolously.
Regretfully I say that these nagging, intrusive, enjoyment-sucking pests remind me of Christian small talk. Christian small talk happens often in churches and other Christian circles. Those who ask questions about your life, leave room for a single sentence response yet enough time to offer their spiritual opinion, suggestion, chastisement, or encouragement particularly annoy me. When I find myself in these conversations I feel like swatting. I have been nagged to pray more, to be prayed for, to read the bible daily, to talk about Jesus with others and to hand over my problems to Jesus and never let them affect me from that day forward. I am tired of hearing the words hallelujah, praise the Lord, amen and dear heavenly father. I strongly dislike conversing about faith, beliefs or spirituality frivolously.
Yet even those who do take prayer and the bible seriously tend to bother me as well. I have been trying to identify where this skin crawling feeling is originating (because I have not always felt this way) and I am at a loss. It is because I do not feel that God is worth talking to? Is it because I do not believe his word? Or is my issue with those trying to communicate who God is that I am finding inadequate? Maybe it is jealously. Maybe I am jealous that the simple answer of prayer and scripture reading is enough for many Christians yet seems so far from my grasp. I try so hard to reconcile my experience of God with my knowledge of God and am discouraged. When I encounter others “filled with the joy of the lord” and trusting without a care, I am annoyed and want to be as far away from them as possible because they seem so far from my reality.
Thank you Danielle, I feel as if you have put into words some of what I have been thinking lately. It's nice to see it so plainly written, and nice to know that I am not alone - despite not knowing the answer.
ReplyDelete