Voyeurism and Censorship

I would like to let you all in on a discussion that is ongoing behind the surface of this blog. Duncan touched on it here. Right now I am keenly aware that I am being watched. I had no idea how powerful this notion of being watched would be over my willingness to be transparent and live up to the goal we set for this blog, an uncensored place of free thought. I have to admit that I have begun to think in blogs, everything I think I shape into a blog with no restraints, yet it is incredible how many of these I am censoring. I find myself censoring because it is incredibly unnerving knowing that about 150 people a day, at the moment, will be reading what I write, I feel like a little bit of a spectacle, or as Duncan so adequately put it when we last met, "we are pastoring a small un-church" (or something like that). I feel a little bit like Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga. This is a new experience for me as I enter into what feels like a one-sided relationship. I permit all of the internet a window into my existence every few days and there is surprisingly little feed back. Beside the few comments, a conversation, or a "like" on facebook, I have absolutely no idea who is "watching". Now to toss this back on you, because if I am using the concept of voyeurism to best explain how I am perceiving this blogging thing...that makes you the peeping tom :0 which is ok as long as we are all aware of the roles we are playing in this one-sided relationship :)

Having no idea who is reading this blog is trilling and disconcerting all at the same time. It is because of this that we as a group of bloggers are running into the constraints of censorship. How much is too much. How much honesty can the internet really handle? Censorship is not my expertise, I am usually overly blunt, I'll say what I think and ask for forgiveness later. Because of this I have a few requests. First, if we offend...Respond, post in the comment section. We are all more than willing to open a two or more way dialogue, and then I at least know who to ask forgiveness from. Second, if you are a regular reader follow us, it is really nice to know who is reading.

Censorship is complicated. It is nearly impossible to determine what people find offensive, as Duncan puts it "I always think its funny what people find offensive or a "big deal" its like swear words... which ones are really bad? I think my mom is probably more offended by cigarettes than by "losing faith". I say "damn" all the time without thinking. Other people love the word "fuck" but think "damn" is crossing the line... some people think "crap" is ok but not "shit," other people the reverse. Some of this is cultural both locally and globally but to me it is a reminder of the ambiguity of language and the inherent risks one takes when speaking. It is not surprising that public speaking is something that many people fear more than death - speech acts both spoken and written take enormous courage." (from our private ongoing conversation). I find that we are in a particularly interesting spot when dealing with censorship. We all have Christian educations which was four years of tip toeing around censorship issues, how much could one say, what would be too far, "if I say what I actually think will i be considered a heretic?" Sometimes all three of us through caution to the wind and said as we pleased, but i think for the majority of the time we played the censorship game quite well. The thing is the game is not over. As we pursue higher education and jobs it is likely people will find this blog. The thought then becomes will I loose job opportunities because of what I post here? Or maybe more significantly, will something I say here offend a person to such an extent that they stop being in relationship with me in the real world, outside of the intertubes? As our virtual and internet lives mesh I find things become more hazy, more uncertain. Hopefully as we pursue academia and careers we will land ourselves in positions that value freedom of thought, freedom to think without fear. Hopefully when perfect love casts out fear the absence of fear is presence in the intellectual realm as well, so we do not slip into divisive tribalism of fundamentalism.

I often find it helpful to communicate my ideas through other mediums people have already created and published. I ran across a music video this spring (one that did not get as much play as I think it deserved) which had some interesting thoughts about censorship tied in. I found it extremely enlightening when the same music video came out with a directors cut it was much more disturbing. Specifically enlightening is the contrast between the two videos. Many people will find the first offensive, but the message I believe is more apparent in the second. The song is Natalia Kills -Wonderland and here is the directors cut. I hope you enjoy the difference in the movies. For now I think I will be treading/blogging towards the official version, my posts at least will attempt to convey what I mean without becoming too over the top. But if you think I am not being fully transparent call me out in the comments section if you would prefer the directors cut on a certain post.