CYOA-Judges 11:30-34 Devastating

^29-31 God's Spirit came upon Jephthah. He went across Gilead and Manasseh, went through Mizpah of Gilead, and from there approached the Ammonites. Jephthah made a vow before God: "If you give me a clear victory over the Ammonites, then I'll give to God whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in one piece from among the Ammonites—I'll offer it up in a sacrificial burnt offering."

^32-33 Then Jephthah was off to fight the Ammonites. And God gave them to him. He beat them soundly, all the way from Aroer to the area around Minnith as far as Abel Keramim—twenty cities! A massacre! Ammonites brought to their knees by the People of Israel.
^34-35 Jephthah came home to Mizpah. His daughter ran from the house to welcome him home—dancing to tambourines! She was his only child. He had no son or daughter except her. When he realized who it was, he ripped his clothes, saying, "Ah, dearest daughter—I'm dirt. I'm despicable. My heart is torn to shreds. I made a vow to God and I can't take it back!"

Dwelling on this passage was an emotional experience for me – so much so that I quit writing and cried myself to sleep. In the message version, verse 35 reads, "Ah, dearest daughter—I'm dirt. I'm despicable. My heart is torn to shreds. I made a vow to God and I can't take it back!" I want to know where God was when Jephthah’s heart was being torn to shreds. Where is God when our feelings erupt and nothing can hold us together because that is when I want him most. That is when I want God to make good his promise of comfort. But where was he? On a mighty cloud ensuring that Jephthah held up his end of the vow. This passage states that the spirit of God was with Jephthah when he traveled over the land (v. 29). And that it was the Lord who delivered the Ammonites into his hand (v. 32). But where did God go in verses 34-40? Where is he when Jephthah’s daughter is lamenting? Where is he when the women of Israel lament this event? Why are feelings and emotion such a strong part of our being when they seem to be disregarded by God? So what if Jephthah’s vow was selfish, I don’t care about the circumstances or who did what, I care about God’s regard for emotional weakness and I found this passage devastating.