Education – A Time of Slowing

            Being that it is reading week, I finally have some time to breathe. September seems to have dissolved without my knowledge and as the weather begins to turn, I am keenly aware that it is no longer the beginning of the semester.

            I am back at school, and boy am I glad to be back. I am starting a Masters of Christian Studies at Regent College, which means I get to see much more of Duncan and Amy as well as spending countless hours with my face in books.

            I am glad to hear from Danielle and Kelsey in their latest posts that education occurs in the work place and on the farm. I value these kinds of learning, and might even posit that these types of experiential learning have a longer lasting impact on us as persons, but that is not where I am at this moment in time. I have chosen to return to the academy. Why have I done so?

            Well because I love it and I am challenged by it. I think that wrestling with the mind is a worthwhile endeavour. The challenge to think in new ways, to consider information from previously untried angles, and the opportunity to test and reconsider beliefs and values is never a frivolous pursuit. 

            I also love the academy because at its best it makes a mockery of the capitalist system we live in. What I mean by this is that the academy, in its true form, makes a mockery of our prevailing worldview that time = money. In essence, I can waste vast amounts of time on a paper, which in reality will be read by one professor at one moment, probably not making a huge impact on that person, to receive a grade that does not matter all too much. This, to my knowledge, is not generally accepted in the working world. In some ways, academic pursuit acts as an extended period of the spiritual discipline of slowing. The discipline of slowing is to stop time, pause, think, reflect, realign oneself in order to act and live better in the subsequent moments.

            My goal in this extended period of slowing is to increase my ability to be self-critical. I think education at its best teaches and trains a contemplative mind, not only skills and content. It trains us to perceive the underlying questions, to show us how “facts” can be read and interpreted in various ways, and to open ourselves to other perspectives. In doing so we can approach the rest of life more humbly, acknowledging the complexities, the diversity, and the wonder of the human experience. So although education, specifically education in the academy, often does not feel like slowing, I think it largely emulates the discipline of slowing.

            This reading week has also given me time to finalize a paper I wrote at the UN this past summer, which was presented August 24th in New York at a conference in honour of Shi’a Muslim scholar Dr. Mahmoud Ayoub. I spent Sunday finalizing the citations and writing an introduction and brief critique on Christian just war theory, which now introduces the main argument of the paper. It is entitled “A Mennonite Vision for Tolerance and Global Peace” and it should be published by the end of this year. After sending off the final copy, I received an e-mail from Doug the MCC UN director. Here is an excerpt, “You should also know that Ed Martin [Ed Martin was Mennonite Central Committee area director for Central and Southern Asia from August 1989 through September 2007] borrowed freely from this (with my permission) for a short presentation he was asked to give in a meeting with Iranian President Ahmadinejad here in New York on September 25th.”

            This in no small way made my day! As I told my mom about it over the phone this evening, we reflected on the importance of sharing alternative perspectives. Specifically because without sharing them we remain limited to our own conceptions of reality. We wondered together if maybe, in some small way, my paper might have been an alternate perspective Ahmadinejad needed to hear. I am not sure, and there is probably no way of ever knowing. Nevertheless, as I wrote on education this example seemed to fit. For I think at the heart of education is hearing and perspective sharing, and then learning to think about what we hear. 

A Disconcerting Trend

I sit here with an uncomfortable feeling in my gut. It is a feeling that has been around for a long time now. Sometimes the feeling seems to have teeth that gnaw at me, other times it lays dormant, maybe for a week, maybe a few months; whatever the case it continues to rear its ugly head.

I have been unsure of whether or not to blog this, but here I go (so maybe it is time?).

The disconcerting trend that makes me anxious is a growing idolatry of certainty within churches, and pejorative name calling by those within the church. These two things seem to be on the rise, slowly but surely, they march on to dominate and oppress others who do not fit the mould. I am experiencing and witnessing this trend within Abbotsford, as well as in the greater area of the lower mainland. The trend has been growing recently (or maybe I am simply continuing to become more aware of it).

I have two examples of the pejorative verbatim tossed around in churches, in Bible College, and even in conversations between friends. These two examples point toward an underlying sentiment, which I believe is one factor in the rise of idolizing certainty. The first example comes from far away (better to attack what is at a distance before striking too near the heart). Three years ago in Israel, while learning about the physical and geographical settings of the Bible, I was confronted by “maximalist” and “minimalist”. These terms regarded the “group” a certain scholar or idea fit. For example, are these group of rocks store houses or stables? One position was maximalist, one was minimalist. The “maximalists” held to a certain position, usually that which “agreed” with the Bible, and the “minimalist” position would conclude differently. Both positions looked at the same evidence, and considered the Bible, and came to different conclusions (it is my opinion that both groups we guilty of cooking the evidence at times). The problem that arises, the thing that rubs me the wrong way, is that once the groupings were established the way the terms were used became harmful. This occurred in Israel, by the end of the trip if you thought a “minimalist” position might be right there was a stigma sent in your direction. You obviously had weak faith, you did not believe the Bible (or at least you do not take it seriously), you may not be saved, you were sub par, and you might even be a “liberal”! The classification of “minimalist” became a pejorative.

The second example is quickly growing in the vernacular of the circles I skirt. It is defence of one’s ideas by entrenching one’s self based on having a “high view of scripture”. This subsequently implies, or has even be explicitly stated, that the one with whom he or she disagrees has a “low view of scripture”. It has been my experience, and some of those around me, that this is incredibly hurtful, often said without proper thought or care for the other, and can be invested with a derogatory tone.

Here are some thoughts/responses to this pejorative usage: A) simply because you land in one place and someone else disagrees does not mean he or she has a “low view of scripture”, there have been disagreements for as long as religion has existed (so get off your “high” horse). B) One’s worldview often dictates one’s conclusions more than external evidence. Scripture might not even be the actual argument or disagreement; rather there may be a clash of worldview. So, if one dogmatically claims the “high view of scripture” without plenty of self-critique and humility, he or she exudes arrogance, pride, self-righteousness, and ignorance. C) Just because the historical/grammatical method of exegesis and interpretation lead to one answer it does not mean it is the “correct” answer or interpretation. It was not simply arrived at because of one’s “high view of scripture”. There are a plethora of interpretive methods, and a vast array of interpretations within each method, so honestly consider some alternative possibilities. D) Someone might hold such a “high view of scripture” that they have spent their entire life studying, reading, investing resources, listening to others, caring for others, and re-thinking faith. This person may eventually come to a new or different conclusion because of their “high view of scripture”, so to then label this new view as having it base in a “low view of scripture” is to slander the other.

Whew, it feels nice to get that off my internet chest. Which leads us to the new atheists (fundamentalists), atheists, as those who rely on the idolatry of certainty. Positions arrived at by the underlying disposition that manifests itself in pejorative language.

Rolling beneath these trends of pejorative vernacular is a more disconcerting movement. It is a movement of correctness. Not political correctness or the certainty that 2+2=4 within the agreed upon public consciousness (“where as 2+2=5”, as my dad would say, “in very high values of 2”). No, “correctness” in the manner of “I am right” (implying all others to be wrong). This “correctness” lies in the outflow of certainty. The need for certainty, or rather the religious crutch of certainty, which will lead to a behaviour of “correctness”. This may manifest itself is such statements as “I know what I know”, or “ask questions, find answers”, or “don’t read that! He or she is a heretic”, or “maybe it is more…but it is certainly not less”. It is in such statements that idols are erected. Idols that stand in the place of something or more often then not someone. The idol of certainty limits our ability to interact with each other as well as God. For if we are certain of God or another, we implicitly demote him or her or God from the position of a free agent or person to the realm of object, where actions are known and can be calculated. Such object interactions are bound to fail, people continue to surprise, and God continues to defy boxes.

Certainty, and the idolization of it, manifests itself in both Atheism and Fundamentalism (given there are exceptions, I know some great doubting Atheists, as well as a few questioning fundamentalists). Certainty had it heyday with modernism. “I think therefore I am”, “only that which can be proven through the scientific method can be known”, “the Bible says…”, etc. This time gave rise to atheism as it is commonly understood as well as religious fundamentalism. These two groups are not very far apart in their mode of thought, rather they reflect each other, not as estranged cousins but more like . Both appear to lack an epistemological humility, and a disposition towards the knower’s fallibility.

I’ll leave it at that, knowing I am probably wrong ;)

Developing Patience Quickly...

Patience is a virtue, though not one that our culture either desires or cultivates. Speed is the virtue of contemporary culture. I have been impatient throughout my life. In fact I wonder if the past 6 year have not been primarily a rather extended lesson in patience. I did not want to waste time with education such as university... I wanted to do stuff, make stuff, make films, work, live life...

Recently I have wondered if my how much of my undergrad was a form of penance for my immature pride... I think I can say now that I regret my decision to do a 1 year digital film foundation program at CDIS/Ai Vancouver... If I wanted to work on big sets in the union then Capilano has the better programs... But what I really should have done was take the scholarship BCIT offered me and done their broadcasting program. The broadcasting program, however, was two years, rather than one and focussed on: Broadcasting...which I was not and continue to be uninterested in... BUT I am more interested in broadcasting than I am in cleaning cars with toothbrushes, which is what I spent 8 months doing last year. I could have had a career in broadcasting from which to pursue art. I am so damn uncompromising though and just wanted to pursue art and films. So what I really should have done, but didn't because I was impatient, was go to Emily Carr. I should have been an actual art student... I have repented and am repenting. I love education. I am happy to submit to the rigour and time of process and learning. I deeply value history and tradition and regret my previous dismissal of such courses, which have since proved to be the most valuable (perhaps especially for art and creativity). When I graduated high school I was looking for the quick and easy way to start life and as a result seem to continue to be waiting...

By the time I finish Regent...If I finish Regent... I will have spent at least 10 years attending school either part or full time... I could have become a doctor, or a dentist, or a lawyer in that time... I could have gotten a BFA, and MFA... I could have become a teacher... But I have and continue to have a 'flaw' in my decision making... I refuse to make practical compromises... I am working on making peace with the economic worthlessness of my education. Perhaps, my hypothetical BFA or English degree would have been equally worthless. Perhaps, with enough patience my life will eventually click into place.  Perhaps, meaninglessness and failure and poverty are also part of my penance. I have resigned myself to what I see as the inevitable reality that both education and in particular education in the school of patience are life long endeavours to be endured rather than accomplished.

I have made almost every single one of these educational decisions, whether later evaluated as good or bad, filled with faith and conviction regarding God's leading and providential care. How do you tell whether you have encountered God or are just chasing clouds through the desert?

This piece of this film reminds me of my life...

The Art of Compromise:
When does compromise cross the line and become unfaithfulness? Is it possible to live without compromise? Does God compromise? What compromises have worked out well for you? Which ones do you regret?

Coming out Normal...(if that is possible)

As the new school year begins I am experiencing a sense of loss. I miss it. I miss the mental stimulation, I miss making my own schedule, I miss meeting a few new people, and I even miss working late into the night on a paper. BUT I do not miss the crazies.

I have not moved locations, and as a result I am still surrounded by those who are attached to the academic institution. As these people start the school year the stories begin to drift in, stories from every corner. Stories of boys and girls in love, stories of ridiculous questions, stories of ignorance and bigotry, and stories of great conversations and insights. It is a mixed bag, a mixed bag of the good, the bad, and the crazies.

The crazies are everywhere, but they seem to flock to Bible Colleges. Maybe it is their need for community, maybe Bible Colleges are really a collection of outcasts and socially inept people. I will go out on an offensive limb that there are more crazies at Bible College than elsewhere.

Let me explain Bible College crazies before I go on. To make vast generalizations, which are not ideal but necessary because I do not wish to point out specific people, crazies may be defined by having a narrow perspective. We all like to think our own unique view is correct, this is just human, but what sets a crazy apart is that he or she lacks an intellectual humility to acknowledge he or she may be wrong. They pigeon hole God and life into neat boxes, which they are unable to see are boxes. These people may even be proponents of the cliche "Do not put God into a Box", but when challenged on their box they refuse to acknowledge it is a box.

Some common crazy boxes at Bible College are: My life is all predetermined and I am just along for the ride. God is logical, as we understand logic, therefore the logic of Reformed TULIP is inerrant. Proper education is the factory making of good evangelicals who know a lot of information, rather than learning how to think. Life is hyper-spiritualized, therefore everything has other meanings which involve the learning of christianeese in order to be understood, resulting in no one understanding what is being talked about. Terms of liberal and conservative, as used in the contemporary media, equate to "christian" and "non-Christian", rather than perceiving Christian as being unable to fit into either box of liberal and conservative.

The barrage of stories coming out of the Bible College of students and professors being caught up in one or many little boxes has caused me to reflect. I reflect with my friends and my community, which I know is totally bias because for the most part I like them and we often agree more than disagree. yet, as of late there has been a theme of how we were able to come out "normal". Normal being 51% so not very precise, but normal in that we are able to converse about various topics, relate to various points of view, and have diverse interests in art, culture, science, sport, etc.

In a conversation with a friend about how we turned out so "normal", we concluded it largely was how we grew up. We were fortunate to go to a church that did not hyper-spiritualize everything, so we grew up with sermons that related to life, biology, science, environmentalism, politics, depression, and culture. These were all tied to scripture and preached from the pulpit. We also grew up in a community where the parents held differing opinions and conversation always was filtered through respect for the relationship while still holding one's opinion. Beyond all of these, I attribute our "normalness" to the fact that I grew up in a community that read.

One specific memory I have that displays this is memories of mornings when camping. The community I grew up in went camping together and on Saturday and Sunday mornings when people arose and gathered around fires, it was a common sight for a newspaper to appear from here and then another from there. Newspapers that had been stashed along for multiple purposes, first to be read, and second to provide the children with fire starting material. The memories I have of these times have follow up memories, memories of all the parents discussing politics, different perspectives and the news of the week.

One might say, but probably would not, "my parents read too, and I did not come out normal". The difference I might propose in response is "what was the breadth of the reading one experienced". The parents in my community read widely, although committed Christians, it was not unheard-of to listen in on a discussion of theology that included works by Marcus Borg, or relevant points of Buddhist thought, or the similarities in Hinduism and the development of India. The newspapers that were read around the fire were not all the same, some conservative, some liberal, and the discussion of the news would include thoughts and critique of bias. This later would become common practice; learning to distinguish a writers bias and take that into consideration when reading what he or she wrote. Histories were also read, from the ancient near east, to asian, to Europe, and even Mayan and Aztec cultures were understood. "Normalness" came from having to defend one's opinion against any critique no matter how diverse the reference point. This prohibited brainwashed answers and isolated perspectives. Defence of one's ideas may include biblical reference but also needed to be logical given other evidence. It was in the necessity to have this other evidence that promoted me and my peers to understand the world as wide and vast, an incomprehensible treasure trove of ideas and perspectives. Perspectives that shaped one into "normal".

Earlier this summer a friend asked me for a book list, I was busy and failed to get back to her. This, however, seems like the appropriate time and place for a list. The following are either books I have read, books my parents and their friends read which fit in line with this post, or books that are on my bookshelf waiting to be read. The highlights that ought to be read include:

Out of Babylon - Walter Brueggemann
A History of God: The 4000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam - Karen Armstrong
Failed States - Noam Chomsky (or anything else by Noam)
Infidel - Ayaan Hirsi Ali
Che: A Memoir by Fidel Castro
The Divine Comedy - Dante
Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien
The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
Harry Potter - J.K. Rowling
Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
Colossians Remixed - Walsh & Keesmaat
An Imperfect Offering - James Orbinski
The Shadow of Kilimanjaro - Rick Ridgeway
Reading the Bible Again for the First Time - Marcus Borg
The Gospel in a Pluralist Society
Fugitive Pieces - Anne Michaels
Anarchy and Christianity - Jacques Ellul
I, Claudius - Robert Graves
Guns, Germ, and Steel - Jared Diamonds
A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
The Orthodox Heretic - Pater Rollins

If you have read a book that you think should be added to that list, put it in the comments section below. I am always looking for more books to read, or dream about having the time to read.

Confirmation Bias

The discussion of biases, lenses and confirmation bias on Silas' post: Extremist Religion has inspired me. The confirmation bias: most notably displayed in a psychological experiment in which people deliberately check themselves into psych wards and acted normal but found everything they did was interpreted through the lens of illness by the attending physicians and anylysts. 


The problem of finding what one is looking for... 


 In this video Zizek says that the best things we find are the ones we weren't looking for - accidental discoveries; we were looking for one thing and found something else. Perhaps we went to Bible college to find certainty or a job and instead found uncertainty and a few friends... maybe that's better. Anyway, the inescapable personal bias leads me to this song: The Stand by Mother Mother. As usual if you are easily offended you probably shouldn't watch it. 

Further Thoughts on Censorship

At my bible college there was a bulletin board that is mostly meaningless at this point - thanks to me. I apologize. The bulletin board is called the Wittenburg door and was supposed to be a location of free and challenging dialogue. In my first year a member of student council posted a page criticizing the student body for apathy and non-participation. I was unimpressed, not only with what I read as an unhelpful and self righteous article but also with student council, who I experienced to be disconnected, unavailable, and irrelevant. I posted a scathing rebuttle to the page which definitively crossed the line to personal and was a very public and specific criticism, full of exaggerated rhetorical flourish, of not only student council but individual people, who I didn't really know. The results were a nuclear melt down of emails and meetings and apologies and defense and discussion and rules. The rules, which I helped write will ensure that posts will probably never again challenge the powers that be and to that degree, the door has been destroyed...

What did I learn? I learned the importance of relationships and the priority of people over power-politics and rhetoric. That was a good lesson. I also learned that when you stick it to "the man" there will always be hell to pay and also usually an invitation into the establishment. I navigated the remainder of my bible college career without incident. I learned how to influence through friendships and relationships rather than very public and negative criticism and I learned how to ask questions rather than make accusations and to discuss rather than argue. These were all very good and important lessons. I also learned that churches have gatekeepers who will let you know in no uncertain terms if you cross their imaginary lines of orthodoxy.

I have for 4 years been clever with language and questions in order to create enough ambiguity to maintain relational acceptance. I have held my tongue when I want to disagree, or criticize, or argue. I have lost arguments in order to actually listen, which often leaves no time for a rebuttal. But I'm tired. I'm tired of always being concerned about what you will hear despite what I am saying. I am tired of being afraid of what you will think of me if I just tell you what I think. I am tired of valuing relationships with people who might reject me if I was open, authentic, and honest. We talk about integrity but encourage hypocrisy and social christian fakeness in order to maintain relationships, the status quo, and "future opportunities." I have decided I should probably take my mission statement seriously.

To challenge the cultural status quo, corruption, stagnation and apathy both within and outside the church, as a teacher and artist in North America.

To pursue passionately faith, learning and creativity seeking to experience God’s transformation in myself and others.

If you are a defender of status quo you have hereby been warned. Do not threaten my future, do not try and intimidate me. I am no longer having any of it.

Monetised/Sponsored

What are three unemployed grads to do other than monetise their blog? This mean that you will now see ads as part of this experience. Yes we know you are inundated with advertising all day and you just wanted to escape and read a little jaded, critical, and miserable theological ramblings and other shenanigans, not be sold books and boats and mustaches but hey we didn't create this blog out of anti advertising ideals we created it out of boredom. If you want learn how to stick it to the adman and take back the streets with a meme war go read adBusters but if you want to see what real and theological hijinx we get up to: we will be here whoring our creative and intellectual content to the best of our abilities. Today we watched Annie Hall and discussed further the meaninglessness of life and frustrations of job searching. I made more money before I went to college, its a good thing I didn't go to school to get a job... mind you if I had done that perhaps I would be finding something right now. My wife called me an author yesterday, that was a great ego boost. We are now sponsored authors.


One new years a few years ago, some friends and I met a guy on the skytrain, drunk as a skunk, but out of his intoxicated mouth came some of the most beautiful words of truth I have heard in my life, literally linguistic liquid gold: "Free! Thats like my first favourite word." We asked what his second favourite word was and his response was, "Sponsored..." he said, with glazed look of glory frozen on his face as he stared into space and imagined selling out in order to get paid to play. I am experiencing that right now. We three young jaded idealists standing here on the edge of glory having just sold our souls moments ago for advertising revenue - having commoditized the very relationships which provide the meaning in our meaningless lives and we are hanging on this moment of truth to find out will we fall? will lose it all? would anyone pay us to write without ads? How do you feel being part of the largest psychological experiment in human history? "Advertising" - coming soon...

Remember?

Does anyone remember myspace? I think a few bands still use it right? or xanga? my first blog was on xanga here. I wrote this:
"Look at us flaunting our lives, our problems and triumphs. Displaying our lives and thoughts for all to see. Things that were once sacred and kept in a diary under lock and key are now published worldwide for everyone to read. And we look and we read in glib fascination of total strangers daily lives. We watch reality tv and read random blogs. Watching, reading.....the unknown listener. Is it that we long for community but can't quite commit? Is some how the internet deemed safer than our neighbourhoods where we pass those who live around us without a word. Is it that its convenient?... I can have friends and interact with them when I want to, and disappear without explanation or trace when I don't. I don't have to worry about schedules, or time zones, or distance. I can scream profanities and blasphemy and complain about everything at all while still remaining in the beautiful safety of anonymity - free from responsibility or consequences from the things I say, free from being confronted by real people and their emotions, which I might hurt. Instead, everything and everyone is kept that beautiful arms length away on the flickery screen. We are all exhibitionists and voyeurs." - 2006

Do you remeber MSN? When we used to actually talk to each other instead of just creep pictures and profiles. Do you remember ICQ? and the question a/s/l? asked often as you talked to strangers?

I think back to 2006 and its difficult if not impossible to measure progress in my life beyond the diploma. I don't think I am smarter or nicer. Maybe I am a little bit more mellow... or maybe not. I am married, which is complicated. I am closer to death but seem no closer to a career. I somehow have stalled and am stuck in ambiguity and so like in 2006 (clearly I haven't changed much) I am trying to process out loud on a blog. Is progress a myth? and how do we measure it? I may be older, more knowledgeable, more experienced, more mellow and more married, but I am still working for free. I wouldn't mind working for free if grocery bills and rent and tuition didn't exist... How do I escape money? Why is my existence worth nothing? I can't even be a surrogate mother! and you have to be over 6 feet to donate sperm! F*#&%!

The Cellar

Welcome to a place for depression, cynicism, melancholy, narcissim, regret, disdain, imagination, hope, gloom, celebration, honesty, lies, sarcasm, questions, anger, loathing, inibriation, exhaltation, exhibitionism and voyeurism of each others very souls (if one believes in souls). I'm sure this will be used for other things as well but I have run out of words. This is a community project started and currently maintained by three dissillusioned and unemployed bible college grads who have currently embraced deconstruction, uncertainty and ambiguity as a preferable position to certainty and black and white morality. Unfortunately, this makes our skill set of exegetical tools and biblical and theological knowledge less than worthless (monetarily) since there are very few jobs, which would demand use of, or appreciate, our training AND that we would be able to do with integrity OR that we could get hired for, if we gave full disclosure - thus making, from an employment perspective, the last 4 years a waste of time. I stand at the end of a road asking the question: "How do I find a meaningful job?" I wonder "How do I make a meaningful life in a meaningless world?" Welcome to the Cellar. We will begin to offer thoughts and commentary free of charge until such a time as we can reasonably charge or figure out some other way to make money, we welcome your responses, questions, ideas, contributions and financial or employment consideration.