Why not?

As of tomorrow, we enter the last month of 2011. A year marked by the motto "why not?" as established last new years in New York. A trip which was made possible by the phrase it was to inspire. It has been a year of travel, transition, creativity, and new endeavours.  Do a super intense internship? Why not? Be homeless for the summer? Why not? Embrace unemployment? Why not? Start a blog? Why not? Write a book? Why not? Shoot a painting? Why not? Start Grad School? Why Not? Move to Vancouver? Why not? Occupy Everywhere? Why not? Stay up all night doing home work? Why not?

In the course of these adventures I have discovered many excellent responses to our courageous question which launched us daringly into many new, difficult, challenging, and rewarding circumstances... However, as I begin to reflect on a year that has been filled with extremes and as I anticipate rest, renewal and rejoicing over the Christmas season, I am moved almost immediately to nostalgia. It has been a year of life shared deeply, with deep friends. Beginning as we slept 3 or 4 to a bed stumbling on top of each other in a tiny apartment in New York, an experience I'm we were sure had deepened or destroyed our relationships, to graduation, to Israel, to unemployment, from artistic endeavours, new jobs, to weddings, to new schools... memories have congealed into a glassy rose coloured past to be reminisced over as we return to favourite restaurants, share a cigar, and in either slurred or perfectly enunciated speech share the deep love and respect we hold for each other. Friendship is about life lived together and that is something that has happened significantly and deeply this year.

The questions to be answered in the coming month is what will next years motto be? How do our relationships transition as life moves us to different place? Will there be the new friends that we will journey, laugh and cry with, and how will they change us?

I anticipate this Christmas season as being celebratory with with old friends and new, with family, with wine, with food and champagne...

May we celebrate both the glory and misery of our lives, holding hands and cuddled together,
with shouting, laughter and tears,
with kisses and hugs,
with both hope and sorrow, grieving and joy...
May there always be pizza...
May water turn into wine...
May death give way to new life...
May life be lived together...
Amen.

God is in the Wind

It was a windy weekend all over the Pacific North West and across Western Canada. It was a wind that was omnipresent in my life. Be it the hurried jaunts outside while working on Saturday, the avalanche reports I read as I look forward to ski season, the news segments capturing headlines, or the experience of sitting on the pier in Bellingham Saturday night being buffeted by the wind.

Here are some of the impacts this wind:

It was a wind that tied me to my past:
“Commuters in Calgary struggled to get to work downtown on Monday after a severe windstorm swept through southern Alberta Sunday, prompting officials to shuthttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif the city’s core to traffic as glass and debris rained down on the streets.”
“A strong low-pressure system combined with a Chinook blowing east from the mountains produced sustained winds of 77 km/h, with gusts reaching 144 km/h in Claresholm, equivalent to a Category 1 hurricane, says CBC meteorologist Johanna Wagstaffe.”
This is a reflection of where I am from, my hometown, and a meteorological phenomenon with which I am accustomed.

A wind some are blaming on Global warming:
“That same storm caused some damage & a lot of power outages here in BC when it blew through Saturday. Welcome to the world of global warming. More severe storms of greater power are one of the first effects we were warned about.” (CBC news Comments)
This ever-present, ominous, reality that is so easy to ignore because of its magnitude, rears its head again.
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
Joy, recreation, and danger are tied to this wind, via avalanche danger:
“Increasing moderate rain or snow in the north Cascades spread southward Sunday afternoon and night along with briefly strong winds and significant cooling. Although in most locations the new snow bonded well to the old refreezing surface, this weather produced a general increase in the danger...especially on higher elevation lee slopes in the northern Cascades where greatest snowfall was received.”

My physical experience of the wind occurred with a group of friends Saturday night. After good food and causing an ongoing disruption in the restaurant because of gregarious laughter, we went to the pier in Bellingham. The wind shook the dock. The waves crashed over the lower sections, and I was struck by the silence of the wind. It makes no noise as it moves. There is the crash of the waves, the howling around one’s head, and the rustle of clothing, but the wind itself is silent. I fell into awe as I realized there are immense power, incredible potential, unfathomable persistence, and causative uncertainty in the wind.

Elijah experienced God in the still small voice; I experienced God this weekend in that wind. The diverse nature of it, the way it affected so many areas of my life, the destructive potential, the silence of it, the macro and the micro, the tie to past and present, and the friendship I experienced while being buffeted from all sides by that Godly wind.

Black Friday!

Nothing brings people together on the holidays like shopping. First we consume food together and then we consume electronics, shoes, clothes etc... It is really unbelievable to me that American Thanksgiving and Christmas are immediately followed by such sales that we are sparked into frenzied blitz of consumption (Black Friday and Boxing Day).

I am at home... by myself... not shopping...

As I am writing this post I am considering dressing all in black and drawing dollar signs on my eyelids and going and lurching around Best Buy blinking at people. But I will probably just stay home and do homeworkish type stuff... do some dishes and such.

I would be a terrible consumer on Black Friday... I hate line ups. We went to see Sarah Slean in concert on Wednesday and since it was general seating we arrived early to line up for good seats. Despite having to switch lines to pick up are tickets we managed to get in early and score 4th row seats for a great show. However, waiting outside in the cold in a line up was awful. It was like nightmare. I hate waiting in lines. Its the only thing about grocery stores I don't like. If I am there with someone I will almost always abandon them in the line and do anything else. Clearly, this demonstrates a level of dysfunctional impatience on my part, which is perhaps characteristic of our generation.... However, I continue to find it bemusing that it is in particular line ups that bring it out in me. It is sort of a claustrophobic panic that sets in... I am perfectly capable of waiting in other situations but put me in a line up and my mental health deteriorates faster than jackrabbit. Even thinking about it makes me anxious and uncomfortable. I wish I could tell you when this started for me, but I'm not sure. The bad news is I think it is getting worse.

Maybe this is why I have been a bit depressed recently. Life feels a bit like a giant line up - except I've lost track of what we're waiting for, or if I want to buy anything... and the weather has turned cold...

So I'm not sure I want what we're lining up for but I'm also rather afraid of getting out of line... if only I had a bit of candy... just a few Swedish berries... God help me if I become diabetic...

Wearing a Mustache to Work, Post-Unemployment Reflections

I am now a Community Development Worker with the Diversity Education and Resource Services Program in the Multicultural and Immigrant Services Department of Abbotsford Community Services. What do I do?

I cut comics out of newspapers. Not only do I get to read the newspaper for work (we call it media analysis), I get to plan and facilitate diversity workshops for schools and other professionals. I work on interfaith bridging events with community members from different faith groups. I compose and edit documents. My co-workers and I meet with a youth committee and empower them to plan events where they and their peers can respond to discrimination. These are just the highlights.

I have spent the last few weeks becoming acquainted with this new position, and I love everything about it. I feel like I am in college without being graded (which is one of the best things I could possibly imagine)! I work with a team of three others who love their work and are incredibly affirming and encouraging. I am learning new things every day about people in different faith groups, marginalized populations, Canadian immigration, population demographics, non-profit organizations, and how to foster inclusive community. I have received so much positive feedback from my co-workers that all I want to do is invest more in our community.

Unemployment seems so distant. Not long ago, I was trapped in job searching defeat and focus-less existence. Post-unemployment, especially satisfactory post-unemployment, is a stage I had only dreamed of reaching last June. My journey to this new position has been quite interesting. Upon graduation, I travelled for a month. I returned to full time unemployment. To my delight, I was hired mid-summer as a car detailer. To my dismay I was fired a week later. But a local grocery store took pity on me, hired me to work in their kitchen and helped me restore a smidgen of hope. There I made wonderful new friends. Out of the blue, I was called for an interview and offered a career. Now I have a desk by a window, an email signature with three different logos and a confidentiality clause and my absolute favourite… business cards.

The transition from unemployment hopelessness and loathing my degree to job satisfaction and using my degree is shocking me still. I was convinced that my degree was useless in the secular world but I have been proved wrong…

A friend mentioned to me the other week that he hoped this job would be redeeming. Not that it would justify what I have lived but that it would be restorative. That in this position I would be able to bring my thoughts and experiences to the table and use them constructively rather than be brought down by them. I truly hope that this will be so.

Why fishermen?

Do you know why Jesus says, "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men..." (Mk. 1:17, Matt. 4:19)

I did not catch this reference until today. It was just one of Jesus' strange metaphors. Upon discovering the reference I was both excited and disappointed. Disappointed because in 26 years no one has ever mentioned this ever in any context. Excited because it makes increases the power of the statement by about 10 fold and make's the disciples following Jesus far more clear. Here is the reference:

Jeremiah 16
14 "Therefore, behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when it shall no longer be said, 'As the LORD lives who brought up the people of Israel out of the land of Egypt,' 15but 'As the LORD lives who brought up the people of Israel out of the north country and out of all the countries where he had driven them.' For I will bring them back to their own land that I gave to their fathers.

16"Behold, I am sending for many fishers, declares the LORD, and they shall catch them. And afterward I will send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain and every hill, and out of the clefts of the rocks.17For my eyes are on all their ways. They are not hidden from me, nor is their iniquity concealed from my eyes.18But first I will doubly repay their iniquity and their sin, because they have polluted my land with the carcasses of their detestable idols, and have filled my inheritance with their abominations."

So while I think there is a level of ambiguity as to whether the fishers and hunters are positive or negative, that is to say a rescue or a judgement... Nevertheless I am convinced that this is the passage that Jesus is making reference to and that it was understood in a Messianic, bringing the people out of exile sense. So therefore, "Follow me and I will make you fisher of men..." is a messianic claim and direct invitation to a participatory ending the exile and establishing God's kingdom as foretold in the prophets. Now that sounds a lot more tempting than following weird metaphor guy...

I have done no research on this beyond just looking at the text. Has anyone else researched this? Any tidbits to add? Or reasons why this doesn't work?

CYOA - Ephesians 1: Better Late Than Never?

My reflections on the Bible this week are not directly related to Ephesians 1. Many of my past CYOA posts have revealed that I am not keen on Bible reading due to my past experience of giving relationship with Christ highest priority in my daily life (which looked like Bible reading, practicing spiritual disciplines and engaging in Christian community) and experiencing an utterly withdrawn God. Since this experience, I have no longer desired to give this relationship with Christ highest priority in the same fashion. Hence, I have been nearly boycotting the Bible.

But recently, I have been thinking about whether or not a relationship with Christ can take place outside of common/suggested Christian practices – or at least if it is okay for a time.

Miranda Lambert wrote a country song titled Heart Like Mine, and as cheesy as it may be, to a degree, I identify.

Even though I hate to admit it

Sometimes I smoke cigarettes

Christian folks say I should quit it

I just smile and say “God bless”

‘Cause I heard Jesus, He drank wine

And I bet we’d get along just fine

He could calm a storm and heal the blind

And I bet He’d understand a heart like mine

To be clear, I am far from walking away from this faith. But I am exploring if and how it can look different. I am not ready to start a church based on the theology of Danielle and who I hope Christ is or who I want him to be. Nor am I ready to start a church without Bibles in the pews. Yet I am wondering how to be faithful where I am. And if my opinions/experiences of faith, religion, and Jesus are of any worth when I do not read the Bible daily?

These are the thoughts that flooded my mind as I attempted to think about reading Ephesians 1 this past week.

Selling Your Birthright

I have been watching #OccupyWallStreet be evicted and their camp destroyed. I feel the hope that this camp represented for me drain from my body. I remember the fear and discomfort I felt as we tried navigate New York under lock down on New Years last year. The Occupy movement has inhabited insistently the limits of freedom in our society and as they are evicted and their camp and property destroyed and so with it the illusion of freedom we thought we had, we thought we believed in, we thought was at the core of our identity. It turns out inconvenient freedom has been sold perhaps for as little as a bowl of soup. The NYPD has sold out freedom for a paycheque. I have been increasingly frustrated over the past few week to the point of miserable apathy at the quickness that Vancouver also has quickly and easily sold our birthright of freedom, we have been intimidated by tragedy and fear into sacrificing freedom. We do not seem to understand precedents are laid or broken based on this. We do not understand that silencing the voice of Occupy is effectively cutting out our own vocal chords in any and all future occasions. It is devastating to me the degree to which we have bought into the power systems and structures of our countries and are happily prepared to sell the freedoms of others for our own comfort. I am sad that I am so apathetic of our power systems and political structures I have failed to energize either myself or others to fight our slow slide toward totalitarianism. We have sold ourselves for soup. I am embarrassed. I am terrified. There is something very Machiavellian about the way that our Governments have dealt with Occupy. Our law has become complex enough and our freedoms expendable enough and loopholes large and plentiful enough that it is relatively simple to enforce and not enforce law as convenient by those in power in order to gain whatever result is desired. Its also helpful when you have a police force to violently enforce whatever you order without any immediate accountability.

Recently I have heard a lot of disturbing thing about a crime bill that Harper is trying to push through. Can anyone tell me more about it?

CYOA: Ephesians 1 - Genie in a Bottle

I am way behind this week. Life gets crazy, I am sure you can relate. Last week I had a number of exhausting days at work that resulted in me lying on the couch all night staring blankly at the roof. On days like that, I have no energy to blog. Now that it is Monday and I have caught up on some sleep, I feel ready to share some thoughts on last weeks CYOA, Ephesians 1.

Paul is a rambler. Brilliant. But a rambler none the less. I, like Duncan, cannot help wonder what provokes one to write a letter that is so detailed yet appears to say almost nothing. This is the text though, so here we go. Paul does have some logic in this letter, the difficulty is unearthing it from the plethora of extra words, phrases, and clauses. One way to do this excavation is to break up the text into phrases and read it that way. (due to the restrictions of formatting on a blog it is not as beautiful as I would like but give it a try).

Paul,
an apostle of Christ Jesus
by the will of God,
to the holy ones who are [in Ephesus]1
and/also
faithful in Christ Jesus:
Grace to you
and
peace
from God our Father
and
[the] Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ
who blessed us
with every spiritual blessing
in the heavenlies
in Christ
just as he chose us in him before the foundation of the cosmos
to be holy
and
blameless before him in love,
who predestined us for adoption
through Jesus Christ for him
according to the pleasure of his will,
to the praise of his glorious grace
which he gave to us in the Beloved,
in whom we have
redemption through his blood,
the forgiveness of sins
according to the wealth of his grace
which he lavished on us
in all wisdom and
understanding,
who made known to us the secret of his will
according to his good pleasure
which he established beforehand in him
for the administration of the fullness of times,
to gather up all things in the Christ
—things on the heavens and
things on the earth in him—
in whom we,
the predestined,
have been allotted an inheritance
according to the plan of the one who energizes all things
according to the resoluteness of his will
so that we might exist for the praise of his glory
who first hoped in the Christ
in whom also you
having heard
the word of truth
the good news of your salvation having also believed in him
were sealed with the Holy Spirit
of promise
which is the guarantee of our inheritance toward redemption of the possession
to [the] praise of his glory.

For this reason also
I,
since I heard of your
faith
in the Lord Jesus and
love
toward all the saints,
do not cease to give thanks for you,
remembering you in my prayers,
that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of glory
might give you a spirit of
wisdom
and
revelation in knowledge of him,
having the eyes of your heart enlightened,
so that you might know what is
the hope of his calling,
the wealth of the glory
of his inheritance in the saints,
the surpassing greatness of his power
for us who believed,
according to the energy of the strength of his might
which he exercised in the Christ,
having raised him from the dead, and
having seated him at his right in the heavenlies,
far above every
rule and
authority and
power and
lordship and
every name that is named,
not and only in this age
but in the one to come,
he put all things under his feet, and
he gave him to be head over all
through the church which is his body,
the fullness of the one who fills all things in every way.


So what does it say?

Well for starters, Paul begins with a threefold reason for his blessing of God. The reasons are 1) Who blessed us 2) who predestined us for adoption 3) Who made known the secret of his will. So in essence God should be blessed because of what he has done for humanity.

Then the second section of this first chapter is Paul’s response to this action of God. His response is that he does not cease to give thanks for the church’s faith and love for one another.

That is this text in essence. Praise of God for how he has acted towards us, and then thanksgiving for how people have responded by loving one another. Paul just uses many more words to say it.

Beyond that, it is not every week I get to write about an epistle, we have been stuck in the OT wars and genocides for far too long. So I thought I would share some of my favourite parts of Ephesisan. Neat tid-bits, if you will.

Ephesus is the most referenced place in the NT (minus Palestine because the Gospels take place there). Ephesus is a key place in Acts, Ephesians, Timothy, and Revelation. They really could not get their ducks in a row, it is a huge success and a huge failure. Thus, when one considers the how a small movement manages to spread from Judea to Rome and then to the ends of the earth, Ephesus cannot be ignored.

Point 2. Ephesus was a rough city. This was largely due to the temple to Artemis/Diana. This temple attracted people requiring healing, as well as those who were seeking asylum. It was a safe haven for people who had committed crimes. There were also many temple prostitutes. I state all of this because it ought to influence how we understand Paul’s vice and virtue lists in this book.

Third and finally. There was a large magic culture within Ephesus. Knowing about the use of magic enables us to understand the mystery talk Paul uses. It also explains Paul’s usages of the Cosmos, the high heavens, the low underworld, the powers of the air, etc. The question then becomes “Is Paul affirming such a cosmology or is he simply speaking in the language that would be understood?” The magic culture also might have something to say about the spiritual warfare in this book. I find thinking about magic incredibly revealing, as Paul argues strongly against it in this book. It causes me to wonder if Christianity does not become magic. One thing required in magic is the necessity of saying words in the correct order, or saying the right words. Maybe this has crept into Christianity in our: “Dear Lord Jesus”, “Father, Father, Father” “I pray it in the blood of the Lamb”. It is certainly worth thinking about, has God become our genie in a bottle?

Our Blog is a Secret

I think it is fair to say that generally the internet suffers from a certain amount of literalism. As a result despite the public nature of this blog it remains hidden in the recesses of the less literal inter tubes that are hard to search for and find. I invite you to try googling our blog as if you were searching for the type of content we write - however you define what we do. It is most likely that you are reading this blog because you know us either directly or perhaps indirectly (hooray facebook!). I would like to say thank you. We average 30 - 40 hits per day and comments are relevant and interesting. I continue to enjoy writing through this virtual space as it continue to feel like a conversation among friends. This is the good conversation at the party that is down in the basement or on the porch, the passionate and exciting one that you think about for days; the conversation that exposes the core of people's identity and deepens relationships; the conversation where you realize there's something special about that cute girl you hadn't really talked to before; the conversation that demands a follow up pint at the pub the next night.  I hope you continue to enjoy and engage in both critical and hopeful thought with us. Be selective in who you invite. Remember...our blog is a secret.

CYOA: Ephesians 1 - Sealed

11In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

I have read over Ephesians one a number of times in order to make some sort of useful or interesting comment. Furthermore, this was not my first time reading it. And yet I am uninspired and feel I have little to no valuable words to present. It is interesting how context and present experience influence our interest or reaction to a text. There might have been some days when I would have tackled the issue of predestination... but today I am tired and bored. There might have been some days when I would explore the theology of the trinity and how through Jesus we are able to participate in the divine... but today I am tired and bored. I considered exploring the nature of the church as Christ's body...but I am tired and bored. I find myself asking, "Doesn't Paul sound just a bit pretensions launching into this lofty introduction/sermon?" How would you feel if people wrote you letters like this? It seems both incredibly formal and annoyingly obsessed with clarifying every statement while at the same time still leaving the reader mostly confused as to what he is actually saying. It is really quite spectacular.

The one comment I wanted to make was regarding the notion of being sealed. The royal seal both in ancient times and medieval was a symbol of authority, authorization and personal approval. This idea of being sealed, is interesting. There is something final about it. Perhaps you remember in Esther when the kings order could not be revoked. Primarily letters, edicts, messages, orders and the like are sealed. I like thinking about it like this because I think it suggest that we, our very lives, have become the King's message... a message made final and official and authenticated by the Holy Spirit.

It also made me think of the small cylinder seals I saw at the Israel museum and how the issue seals (not the animal) is prominent in Revelation.

Oh if only I were actually Insane.

I recently watched the new BBC Sherlock, and also Showcase's Californication. Without reserve I would recommend Sherlock. With serious content disclaimers (sex and drugs) I would also recommend Californication. What the shows have in common are seriously dysfunctional protagonists. However, in the midst of there dysfunction, choices seem clear and simple, even if life isn't, they find success even amidst their own disaster, and they seem content with the mixture of love and hatred with which they are surrounded.

I binge watched these shows over the weekend as I am currently attempting to stress out less, trust my own process a bit more and not allow other people's processes to place unnecessary guilt or expectations on me. So I didn't do much homework and enjoyed Netflix. Can I live with myself doing things the way I do things? Can Amy live with me doing things the way I do things? Can I live with what you think of me procrastinating and watching TV instead of finishing assignments early?

The stress and thrill of deadlines left until the last minute, there are few things more exhilarating...

I find it very easy to get stuck inside my own head of games and perceptions. My own stress and anxiety over success and also the perception of success, and also the perception of diligence and effort. I found myself wondering this weekend if perhaps stressing out regarding papers and assignments before they are due when others have started and I have not is perhaps ineffective. I sometimes try and goad myself into starting or working by stressing and guilting myself into it. However, what if I trusted that I can effectively evaluate the natural stress of the situation and will start the assignment with enough time to finish, even if just barely. And that perhaps more effective preparation is rest and relaxation of all kinds (mental, emotional, physical) so that when my brain finally clicks into the clarity of last minute deadline magic I have the energy to make the magic happen.

Is our reverence of the dysfunctional genius, creating more dysfunction as we are unable to separate madness and genius and find ourselves celebrating and fascinated by both, leading us down a path of imitation... I find myself amusingly jealous with what I occasionally perceive as the simplicity of thought and life that mental illness can afford people. We often make very large allowances for those with diagnosed dysfunction. And the individual may or may not be aware or care about social nuance or the perception of others. I often find both my ability and compulsion to "fake" my self or my thoughts for the sake of perceptions and social fluidity annoying. Sometimes I wish I was an assh*le. If you already think that I am, I guess you caught me on a good day. Its not that I want to descend into uncensored brashness or hedonism, it is that I desire my altruism to be authentic and I would like to interact with people with greater confidence and freedom.

If you want to know how I could recommend Californication ask me. Also if you have CYOA requests let us know we are running low. Maybe we could start on some Christmas passages... What are your favourites?

Words and Work

This week as I pondered my existence while driving from a physiotherapy appointment to work, I thought about the power of words. No this is not referring to the child rhymes “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. I rather thought of how words frame our existence and understanding. They create as well as limit the imagination. They define and explain our realities. In so doing, they have immense power over us.

As I drove, I thought specifically about the words we use to describe employment. The phrase that came into my mind was “I’m so thankful I have been given a job”. The phrase is manipulative and a lie. A job is basically the selling of one’s time and existence for money. I state this in the crassest way I can. Really, the basic job, the selling of oneself for money, is not dissimilar to prostitution of one’s self.

This comes to a head for me when I am told a job is a gift, then in the same breath I hear that gift is the selling of myself. I think such words limit my options, limit my existence, and limit who I am at the very core. So what then shall I say? How can I communicate the action of employment in a better way? How can I be more honest to myself and not segregate my life into little boxes? I think of the Occupy Wall Street protester’s slogan “I quit my job and found an occupation”.

Is it possible to live a holistic life where work does not become a segregated piece, the prostitution of self?

Reflecting on this I think back to one professor’s list of confused priorities. He stated that in our world we all too often worship our work, work at our play, and play at our worship. Maybe beyond being confused all of these categories are a façade that captures our imagination, a façade we are then not able to think out side of. The categories of work, worship, and play seem too ridged. What would it look like to refuse these words their power and imagine economics differently?

I pondered this question for many hours this past summer as I swept concrete dust and carried lumber around a hole, as well as commuting three and a half hours a day to be permitted to do so. I was selling large amounts of time to make a buck, but I really had no other options. I worked as a manual labourer with a bunch of people who knew their existences to be the prostitution of self. When I found out these same people had no moral qualms about the hiring of sex slaves on the weekends it was surprising but not incomprehensible, because their own existence was very similar as they prostituted their physical strength to make money.

What drove these people to live like this? How were they so trapped in a system that they saw no way out? As I listened and observed, I realized they were there for different reasons. Some of them were there out of obligation. They were court ordered to pay child support and they needed a job that would pay enough to do so. Others were there out of necessity, much like me, this was the means to enable life. Still others were there motivated my greed, it was a place where those at the top were driven solely by self-interest and greed. All of these, obligation, necessity, greed, I determined were not worthy motivators.

As I worked as a manual labourer, I followed in my Pake’s (grandfather’s) footsteps. As an immigrant after WWII he attempted farming in Canada. After a few bad years, he, like many others, made his way to the city where he found work on a construction site. For the rest of his life he worked concrete construction as a manual labourer. Now that I was doing the same thing, I wondered what motivated him all those years. I know from stories he never loved the work but did what was necessary. Was he motivated by obligation? Is that really all that pushed him through his entire life, obligation to his family? I hope it was something more. Though I cannot ask him, I would hedge a bet, that if asked what his motivator was, he would have answered, love. Love for his daughters and wife, a sacrificial love given so that his daughters might have a better future. A future that would enable them to live more holistic lives.

How many more times do we need to be trapped by words? How long will we permit our imagination to be limited by the vernacular of a system that promotes segregation of life? I know in my family one generation has already offered sacrificial love to enable a more holistic future. If I continue to life with such segmentation, without challenging the words and ideas that oppress, I spit on the love my Pake displayed? Or for you, do you spit on the love Jesus already displayed, a love that broke barriers, dismantling the segmentation of life?

CYOA: Psalm 138 - Rewritten

It is not that I particularly feel like praise. I am actually rather stressed, overwhelmed and a little depressed. However, I was intrigued and inspired by the process poet Sarah Fordham shared at Regent this week for rewriting the psalms into our own words. First each chunk of the psalm is turned into a question then each question is responded to. Here is my rewriting of Psalm 138:

I will work and think hard in school
and also love deeply in my relationships
in response to your grace
in the face of isolating ambition
I will attend church
even when I don't want to
even though it has stained your name
trusting in your grace


May you reveal your love 
in the hearts of my friends
in the hearts of those in need
May they find rest and comfort in you


Though the Lord is often hidden 
My life is sustained
He is gracious to the hurt
and patient with the earnest 
but the oppressive will not find him gentle


Though I am broken
You grant me perseverance
Yahweh will make sense of my life;
your love, LORD, endures forever-
Do not forsake the works of your hand

These are the questions I used while also reflecting on Psalm 138:

What will you do for God?
What has God done for you?
What do you desire for God?
What is surprising about God?
What has God done for you?
What does God do?
What will God do for you?

I am sure that you could use different questions. I would love to see other personal versions of Psalm 138.

CYOA: Psalm 138 – Increased Strength of Soul or Increased Weariness?

1 I give you thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing your praise; 2I bow down toward your holy temple and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. 3On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased.

4 All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O LORD, 
for they have heard the words of your mouth,
5and they shall sing of the ways of the LORD,
 for great is the glory of the LORD. 
6 For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly,
but the haughty he knows from afar.

7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me.
8The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

I called my mom the other day to tell her how my new job was going. I told her that it was better than any job I could have dreamed of and that I had never expected myself to be in such a position at my age. She asked me if I had prayed for it. I hadn’t, so I told her that it must have been due to her prayers. Then she went on to try and convince me as to why prayer really works.

I read this passage reluctantly today because reading the Bible is not something that I’ve been keen on lately. Sure enough, the psalm was as bright and hopeful as my cheery disposition *sarcastic tone*.

I tried to imagine what might have moved David to such intentional praise and thanksgiving. Was it spiritual oppression of other gods? Was bowing down to the temple prohibited? Had David just received an answer to prayer? Was he delivered from a fiery situation? Or was he just writing a song for the hymnal? Had his strength of soul already been increased or was he praising in expectation? Was this a quiet prayer or a vibrant exclamation of jubilee?

For a season in my life I kept up the practice of offering praise and thanks to God every time it crossed my mind. It became second nature for me to pray about everything and anything. Even when I found myself in discouraging situations I found great comfort in reading scripture and singing worship songs. While I was in Africa, reading and praying evolved into a crying out for help and salvation. I cried for myself and for others. There was no response. I grew weary. Jealousy rose in me when I read David’s words “On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased.” Since Africa, I have not felt much like praising or giving thanks. It is no longer second nature. Rather than a source of strength, I find thanks and praise cause me great weariness.

For those whose soul he does strengthen when thanks and praise are offered, Amen.

CYOA: Psalm 139 - Waking Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed

This weeks CYOA is Psalm 139.
You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I am not feeling it. To be honest for a few days now I have not been feeling it. It is not truth for me today or yesterday for that matter. By the end of yesterday, my answer to “How are you?” was “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” That is not to say anything horrible happened, but on the flip side, it seemed like nothing good happened either. I went through the monotony of my life with no passion. Lethargy, apathetic, depressed, hopeless, frustrated, and generally down, would be my description of the last few days. Days like this suck.

Now I sit here reading Psalm 139 and it could not be further from my experience. As I read this psalm, the refrain that keeps revolving in my mind is “wow I am not experiencing that”. I do not perceive God knowing all my thoughts. I am not experiencing a presence that I desire to flee or hide. I do not desire God to slay the wicked. I cannot relate to the sentiment of this text at all. It seems distant, removed, and elusive. My experience and the experience recorded are vastly different and I am unsure how to bridge that gap.

In days gone by, I have had people challenge my pessimism and reliance on my own experience through statements such as “experience does not equate to truth” or “you need to focus on the truth (in some abstract way) and then it will become your reality”. At this moment, that way of thinking seems unappealing and almost humorous in its absurdity. It seems incongruous because I cannot escape my reality or emotion without becoming more Gnostic or Stoic than I think Christianity is meant to be. So I am left here sitting in dissonance. The text I desire to make authoritative in my life is saying one thing, and I am here occupying space and time in a seemingly parallel and unrelated reality. Somehow I need to bridge that gap, but for now I am left wallowing in cognitive dissonance. I have been growing more familiar with this space of late.

Maybe, however, this is the proper place to be. If theology and philosophy have always been processes through which humanity has interpret the world and our (humanity’s and my own) experience, then I am currently in the best possible place to be to rethink, experience, and reframe the world in a new way. Maybe this is the place I ought to crave if I want to imagine the world differently.

Halloween

I read an article called "Is the Reformation really over?" - Evangelicals and Catholics Together (ECT). This was a series of conferences which worked to create dialogue between the two groups, to establish common ground and also learn from differences. The outrage over the first conference and subsequently published document was such that people resigned, people removed their signature and a public debate was held within evangelical circles. Of the two sides: those opposed entered the discussion with demand/desire/expectation that those who had participated would fully recant. All I could think about when I read that was of the various reformers hauled before church courts and authorities and demanded to recant. I was bemused to discover that "we" have become the oppressive establishment ready to place those who do not fall within our lines or boxes on trial and to "excommunicate" those we disagree with (a la John Piper to Rob Bell via twitter). Something has gone terribly wrong...

On this day Martin Luther nailed the 95 theses to Wittenburg. The Reformation fractured the church into a thousand pieces which we hope that God will pick up... Out of the reformation came the unchallengable priority of right belief. Our communities are defined by confessions. Is a confession the best way to define Christian community? In contrast the Catholic and Orthodox churches would define community through participation in the sacraments and liturgy... I think I like this idea better because what we believe changes so much during our lifetime and I don't want to switch communities every time I am uncertain about a piece of the confession.