Oh if only I were actually Insane.

I recently watched the new BBC Sherlock, and also Showcase's Californication. Without reserve I would recommend Sherlock. With serious content disclaimers (sex and drugs) I would also recommend Californication. What the shows have in common are seriously dysfunctional protagonists. However, in the midst of there dysfunction, choices seem clear and simple, even if life isn't, they find success even amidst their own disaster, and they seem content with the mixture of love and hatred with which they are surrounded.

I binge watched these shows over the weekend as I am currently attempting to stress out less, trust my own process a bit more and not allow other people's processes to place unnecessary guilt or expectations on me. So I didn't do much homework and enjoyed Netflix. Can I live with myself doing things the way I do things? Can Amy live with me doing things the way I do things? Can I live with what you think of me procrastinating and watching TV instead of finishing assignments early?

The stress and thrill of deadlines left until the last minute, there are few things more exhilarating...

I find it very easy to get stuck inside my own head of games and perceptions. My own stress and anxiety over success and also the perception of success, and also the perception of diligence and effort. I found myself wondering this weekend if perhaps stressing out regarding papers and assignments before they are due when others have started and I have not is perhaps ineffective. I sometimes try and goad myself into starting or working by stressing and guilting myself into it. However, what if I trusted that I can effectively evaluate the natural stress of the situation and will start the assignment with enough time to finish, even if just barely. And that perhaps more effective preparation is rest and relaxation of all kinds (mental, emotional, physical) so that when my brain finally clicks into the clarity of last minute deadline magic I have the energy to make the magic happen.

Is our reverence of the dysfunctional genius, creating more dysfunction as we are unable to separate madness and genius and find ourselves celebrating and fascinated by both, leading us down a path of imitation... I find myself amusingly jealous with what I occasionally perceive as the simplicity of thought and life that mental illness can afford people. We often make very large allowances for those with diagnosed dysfunction. And the individual may or may not be aware or care about social nuance or the perception of others. I often find both my ability and compulsion to "fake" my self or my thoughts for the sake of perceptions and social fluidity annoying. Sometimes I wish I was an assh*le. If you already think that I am, I guess you caught me on a good day. Its not that I want to descend into uncensored brashness or hedonism, it is that I desire my altruism to be authentic and I would like to interact with people with greater confidence and freedom.

If you want to know how I could recommend Californication ask me. Also if you have CYOA requests let us know we are running low. Maybe we could start on some Christmas passages... What are your favourites?