Saturday, March 31, 2012

Is English Destroying the World?

Sometimes I get depressed about job opportunities... One of the old standby things to remember is that I can always go and teach English in China or Korea, which, while not being something I actually want to do, is something that combines teaching and adventure... and pays actual money. However, recently I have been considering if this activity that occurs across the globe and is often used as a platform for Christian mission is actually contributing to the destruction of humanity. I know I am stating this extremely strongly but I want you to consider if a universal language is as good a thing as we generally consider it. I have grown up knowing that I can travel almost anywhere in the world and someone will be able to understand me... As a native English speaker I do not need to learn any other language to go anywhere or do anything, the whole world is devoted to catering for me.

However, is it a good thing that this is the case? Is this something that is bringing the world together? Something that allows for better communication amidst global diversity? Or is it yet another example of western imperial cultural domination that occurs at the literal destruction of other language and culture? Is the ubiquity of English contributing to the homogenization of global culture and the destruction of diversity?

Wikipedia:

Estimates of future language loss range from half of more than 6000 currently spoken languages being lost in the next 200 years,[10] to 90% by the year 2050.[4] Wade Davis states that languages - as not simply bodies of vocabulary or sets of grammatical rules, but "old growth forests of the mind" - for the many and unique cultures of the world reflect different ways of being, thinking, and knowing.[9] 
As Davis puts it, language extinction effectively reduces the "entire range of the human imagination... to a more narrow modality of thought",[9] and thus privileges the ways of knowing in dominant (and overwhelmingly European) languages such as English. Foucauldian ideas of power and knowledge, as both inseparable and symbiotic, are implicated in the universalizing of European knowledge as truth, and the rendering of other forms as less valid or false: mere superstition, folklore, or mythology.[11] In the case of language extinction, those "voices" which are deemed to be inferior or secondary by colonizing, globalizing, or developing forces are literally silenced. 
Davis also illustrates that languages are lost not because cultures are destined to fade away (as proponents of environmental or cultural determinism or Social Darwinism may contend), but rather that they are "driven out of existence by identifiable forces that are beyond their capacity to adapt to"; he further remonstrates that "genocide, the physical extinction of a people is universally condemned, but ethnocide, the destruction of peoples' way of life is not only not condemned, it's universally - in many quarters - celebrated as part of a development strategy."[9]

I think this is specifically interesting in relation to Christian mission which has been co-opted to spread the Gospel of English along with the Gospel of Christ... How should these statistics and realities impact the way Western Christianity positions itself in global markets? Is "English Camp" or "English Corner" a responsible platform for building relationships? Should we as Christians be concerned with preserving culture just like the environment? Should our missions celebrate honour and preserve diversity of language?

Many Christians are aware and regret the First Nations residential schools, which did not allow children to speak their native language and enforced English. This systematic, deliberate, and enforced destruction of culture no longer occurs with such explicit violence but rather is commercially marketed seducing the whole world back to Babel... I say Babel because that is the location where God creates/confuses the previous mono language of humanity. I say Babel because it is first example of human pride and empire building in rebellion against God. I say Babel because the Biblical redemption of Babel in Acts at Pentecost is not the destruction of language but miraculous understanding. At Pentecost, unity is found in the midst of diversity...not the destruction of diversity.

To my regret, I dropped out of French after Grade 9...To my regret, I have not maintained what I learned of Greek and Hebrew...To my regret, I never really learned any Dutch from my Dad or Grandparents... I have hated the pain and difficulty of learning language most of my life and therefore avoided it. It seems less and less likely I will every become even conversational... But I want to. I want to learn another language as an act of subversion of the hegemonic monocultural empire that is on the rise. I invite you to reconsider your monolinguistic love and learn another language not for practicality but for the greater Glory of God and the preservation and stewardship of his good creation both natural and cultural.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Parable of the Ten Investments

Read Luke 19:11-27…

Ok, you are done? Now we can proceed.

The Parable of the Ten Investments

JC, a man of dignified lineage went out and traveled far and wide. He learned a great deal, and soon became personable and well liked. His understanding of business was unmatched and his reputation went before him. He grew in standing and his business flourished. He became known as a tough boss, however, there were always opportunities for advancement within his businesses.

One fall JC decided to venture into a new market, he purchased an investment bank. To everyone’s delight, JC did not fire a single soul. He in no way spoke of downsizing only growth, growth of his “Kingdom”. It was an odd name for his mega-corporation, but it inspired hard work, loyalty, and a sense of honour in his employees.

JC took a special interest in this new venture. He decided that because of the economic woes of the time he would invest new capital to the bank. For the occasion, he made the trip from his home in Aspen to New York to be present for the announcement.

JC was a man of immeasurable means, yet everyone was still shocked by what transpired next. During the public announcement about the “new era” for “Kingdom” - an era that would be shaped by investment banking and full participation in the global market – JC stunned everyone when he brought forward the ten-member board of the bank he had recently purchased. As JC shook their hands - while the camera’s snapped photos that would grace the covers of newspapers, tabloids, and blogs within hours - he announced that each of these ten individuals would be entrusted with a One Billion dollar stock portfolio to be managed. For a moment no one moved, not a single photo was taken; no one in living memory had treated former competition in such a way.

With the instruction to put the money to work, the announcement ceremony ended, and everyone slowly dispersed and JC returned to Aspen. The enormity of the event continued to buzz in the media for the next few days, but was eventually drowned out by more pressing news events. The act of favour, however, was not soon forgotten. Yet, the ten-member board loathed JC in their hearts. They felt doubly patronized. Not only had they lost control of their company, they felt condescended to by JC’s sensational generosity that made a mockery of their best attempts to salvage their company. Like resistant puppets, they reviled their puppeteer.

Upon a subsequent trip to New York, to watch a new Broadway show, JC dropped by his new investment bank. He gathered the ten board members to hear reports about each of their portfolios.

The first report was given. To JC’s great delight, the One Billion was now Ten Billion. This had been accomplished through high-risk speculation, which paid off because of careful oversight by the member of the board.

“Well done! You truly understand what it takes to succeed in this business”, exclaimed JC. “Since you have been trustworthy with the small task of direct investment, I am now placing you in change of the entire investment banking portion of “Kingdom”.

The second report was then presented. The One Billion was now Five Billion. Through diversification and investment into new sustainable fuels, the investments had grown at a fantastic rate.

JC was so impressed with the ingenuity and visionary tendencies of this board member he promoted him to CFO of the alternative recourse division of “Kingdom”.

The third board member approached JC, he told JC how the One Billion Dollars was a stable 1.02 Billion Dollars. He had liquidated the stocks and invested the money into a bank account that was slowly gaining interest.

The third board member said, “JC, I know you are a tough boss and I was in fear of what you might do, you take what is not yours and build wealth on those who cannot defend their work. Thus, knowing my fallibility I chose to take the safe route and maintain that which was entrusted to me through stable and guaranteed investment”.

JC replied, “You stupid and ignorant investor! You are correct in your perception of me, and thus will receive what is due to you! Are you so ignorant, and so uninformed, that you do not know that the inflation rate is 3.9%! You have devalued my money and made a mockery of “Kingdom”.

JC then turned to the other board members around him and said, “Take his investments and amalgamate them into the funds of the first board member who presented”.

Shocked and appalled, the nine board members spoke with one voice, “JC, the first of us already has Ten Billion in investments and now also controls the entire banking sector of “Kingdom”, while the third to present will be left with nothing!”

Not missing a beat, JC replied, “I tell you that to everyone who has and succeeds, more will be given. But to those who have little and do not grow their investments, even what they have will be taken away”.

With this statement JC completed his character and career assassination of the third board member. The third board member was reduced to live in squalor as a bank teller earning minimum wage for the rest of his days.

It was at this point Lucifer leaned over and whispered in Julius Caesar’s ear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant!”


Commentary

Writing a parable in this style and format was inspired by Peter Rollins. I finished reading his book The Orthodox Heretic earlier this week. It is a series of parables, which push one to think beyond the norm/typical understandings of faith and God. I have not read a book like this one before. It challenged me to grow and explore my faith in new and exciting ways, to an extent I had not been challenged to go to in the past few years. I highly recommend it, with the caveat that it is not for the faint of heart.

I chose to mimic the text of Luke 19:12-27 because it has been a text I loath and love. This specific text was the springboard for me into an exploration of Empire versus Kingdom in the narrative of Luke-Acts, an exploration that continues to pervade my mind. In the past, I have attempted to communicate my reading of the text to friends and professors, with moderate success. This parable is my attempt to articulate this understanding through the mode of story.

About the parable: The clinching line of the parable is of course the last line. By placing words attributed to Jesus into the mouth of Lucifer, one is forced to reconsider the actions of JC throughout the parable. Do we/should we condone the actions that have taken place up until this point? This challenge is doubly issued when I change the protagonist’s identity from Jesus Christ/God (which is not explicitly stated in the original parable but often assumed) to that of Julius Caesar. One must be confronted by the horrendous actions of the protagonist.

Also raised by this parable is the question of whether one views God as being on the side of the oppressor or the oppressed? One’s gut reaction is claim God is on the side of the oppressed, but is this true in how we commonly read the parable? I always thought not.

A final question, one that ultimately determines one’s understanding of the protagonist, is what does God’s economic theory look like? When one ponders this question one is forced into a corner, either to affirm a god whose economic dealings looks remarkably similar to that of the world we experience daily OR whether one truly believes in a god who abides by gift economics, therefore one who is incompatible with the protagonist in the parable.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Stories Pt. 3 - In Defense of Story - Cyclical and Resurrecting

This post follows up ideas articulated in Story Pt. 1 and Story Pt. 2, specifically responding to some of the clarification Duncan and Josh have teased out.

I openly state the irony of this post: I use the form of argumentation to discuss story. I apologize that I could not come up with a story that will articulate what I wanted to say.

My most basic defense of story is that it is innately human. Children go to bed to stories, youth interact telling stories, partners share the stories of their days after work. Many great teachers have taught through story; the Old Testament narratives, prophets telling the story of Israel, lived stories (Jeremiah and Hosea), Jesus’ parables, Paul/Peter preach the story of Jesus, Aesop tells fables, Tolkien, Lewis, Bunyan, Augustine’s life narrative. We are surrounded by stories, we are drawn into story. From sitting around the fire telling stories to the present movie industry, we communicate and interact via story. I am reminded of the stereotypical elderly woman about to watch the afternoon soap operas “it is time for my stories”. This has provoked me to look at my epistemology and attempt to shape it around story.

To begin I want to address Josh’s comment about “argument and rationality” used as a catch all for Christians wanting to “do away with” the modern era and its affects on us/theology/contemporary culture.

First, I want to affirm Duncan’s answer: the question ought not to be “rational” vs. “irrational”, but how are we to understand the relationship between the rational and the irrational. To explore this I look back to Socrates and Plato. Plato records Socrates in “The Republic” where he states the three parts of the soul are rationality, spirit and desire/appetite. (These divisions are imposed, therefore it is most likely an incomplete/limiting list, nevertheless we will work with these). Socrates states that it is reason’s role to keep spirit and desire in check; in essence, he sets up a hierarchy within the self. I, however, choose to reject hierarchy, and therefore am attempting to work toward a more balanced and holistic understanding of self, as well as how that self relates to the public world. My choice to reject hierarchy comes from my Christian convictions. I ponder: What if the self is modeled after the trinity? What if the self is a threefold oneness, maybe then I could relate to the world better. This rejection of hierarchy fits with a community hermeneutic, equality, and egalitarianism. Subsequently, I find it fitting to reject rationality’s role of keeping the rest of the human inline. Instead to attempt to view desire, spirit, and logic being in relation to one another, yielding and asserting, a give and take, a harmonious self.

One might respond to this with an argument in favour of the priority of logic, supporting it with John 1. The Logos of God is explored in this passage. Without becoming tied up in all of the argumentation (see Ladd’s “A Theology of the New Testament” for an overview), I will summarize it saying that the Logos/Logic is Part of God, but God/Christ is MORE than logic. Thus, one can absolutely affirm logic without it becoming hierarchical in its relation to other segments of life. I think it is fine to say that we need more than logic in how we relate to the world, and that this would be affirmed by the biblical text. (Here I do not address the idea the God’s logic is different then man’s, an idea I think Paul speaks to).

“I guess my question is where any sort of metaphysics fits into a narrative?”
I think narrative is the location to wrestle with appropriate syncretisation/integration of the metaphysical/historical portions, in the same way logic can be integrated into story. Hopefully, narrative can be more inclusive in its stance than methodologies that begin with logic/historic/or metaphysical approaches. Narrative, I attempted to show is inclusivity in its stance (Stories Pt. 2), whereas I find the others to be inherently exclusivist.

Regarding Josh’s pondering, “what gives story credence?” Here I think he answers his own question, “What is so special about compassion? Why should I accept it as some sort of criteria in a personal hermeneutic, other than it feels good to practice and also that I like having nice people around?” It is exactly those feelings and experiences that story frees us to validate. Whereas Socrates would have us use rationality to integrate or explain such feelings in order to justify their validity, narrative by its very nature cultivates these feelings and in-so-doing validates them. Yet, they are more difficult to communicate because we have limited ourselves to rational argumentation for so long that we find it difficult to express other aspects of life. What feels good? What type of people do you enjoy? These are valuable aspects of story; they are played on every time we go to the movies. The great majority of people support the protagonist, not because they are rationally told to do so, but because we allow ourselves to inhabit the story for a period. It is this inhabiting of the story that draws out our own desires and spirit and we syncretise ourselves into the story. Thus, we root for justice and the protagonist; we want things to turn out “right”.

A tangent: to illustrate rooting for what is right. If you have watched all the seasons of Sex and the City, one moment may stick out in your mind. Carrie Bradshaw, the first time she dates Aidan, cheats on him with Big. Watching it unfold is painful; the viewer cannot help but think she is making a huge mistake. The story unfolds and Carrie ends up telling Aidan and asking his forgiveness outside a church, it is Charlotte’s wedding. As one watches Carrie’s confession and desire to be forgiven, one hopes there will be restorative justice, one desires forgiveness and reconciliation. It is these emotions and desires that are ignored when reality is reduced into logic/argument/rationality. One knows that by the “rules” Carrie is in the wrong, but one hopes against the odds that Aidan will take the higher road. He does not and their relationship ends for a while.

“What does the resurrection have to do with story?... But how do we go as far as saying the story is more important than resurrection?” Resurrection IS a story! It is a powerful one at that. It can also be a TYPE of story that we tell.

(Please do not say I am using reductionist language when saying that the resurrection is story, I can just as easily flip it and say that to view the resurrection as history is to be reductionist! It depends on what one views as macro and guiding, which this whole series of posts has been about - an argument that story ought to be viewed as the macro and not the micro)

Resurrection is a powerful story, especially when it moves beyond the debate of historicity. When viewed typologically resurrection alters stories from linear to cyclical. A typical western story is from birth->life->death. When one considers resurrection, there is the potential to add the cyclical dimension of from death-> rebirth->life.


http://www.signsofthetimeshistory.com/graphics/time1.png

For more on the importance of cyclical stories watch Naomi Klein in her TED talk:










As Naomi argues, our culture is trapped in linear stories, ones with endless growth, where rationality never fails (but wait it has and does, welcome post-modernity). Despite her slight against Christianity, I think Christianity, specifically the resurrection, can assist us in telling cyclical stories. However, we must consider the larger story, to see that the resurrection story of death->life was not a one-off story (sure physical resurrection was a one-off event).

Viewing resurrection as a story, we look back at other stories and some of them, specifically in the Judeo-Christian tradition have always been resurrection stories. These stories participated in cycles, in-so-doing they invite the reader/hearer to participate in the story.

• Garden - Day and Night (life and death) -> kicked out of Garden AND clothed (offered a new beginning)
• Noah – death of the world and New life in the olive branch
• Joseph (See Joseph CYOA) – Death of a people in Egypt -> new life in exodus
• Cycles of death and resurrection in Judges
• Life and death of Davidic Kingdom -> Jesus pulls the people out of death, and offers himself as King (Israel’s tangible resurrection – Duncan’s “What is the Gospel Post”)
• Jesus resurrects in person (just in case we had missed the theme throughout the entire narrative!)

What I want to show is that the story of Resurrection can be understood as a cyclical story. It is not a one-off in the narrative of the Bible. We run into danger theologically when our theology or our stories become too linear (as Naomi Klein so aptly demonstrates). We ought to consider this snare when we view linear logic as the top of the hierarchy of our understanding, or when we are too trapped in a western-worldview, which at its root is linear.

When individuals choose to live a resurrection story one will find it everywhere. We die daily into sleep and rise again in the morning. The seasons of the year are deaths and resurrections. Life on the planet is consistently dying and being born. We are born into journeys of school, and career, only to graduate or move-on. These deaths are the end, but also new beginnings. Resurrection is all around.

Within Christianity Resurrection is found also in our symbols. Death in baptism and new life beyond the water. Death in the bread and wine of Communion and new life lived by the partaker.

So where does resurrection fit into story? I would argue all over the place. I think when one begins to think in story, to see in story, to be persuaded by story, one will be able engage the world more fully then through solely a rational lens.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Jesuits in Space...

Just read a book called "The Sparrow" by Mary Doria Russell and it blew my mind! I am still in recovery. Jesuits in Space... I don't even know what to say because I don't want to give anything away. This is such an amazing look at faith and doubt, cross cultural communication and life, reverse culture shock, post traumatic stress disorder, community, Catholicism, globalization, technology, science...

When life on another planet is discovered... the first to go are Catholic missionaries... not so much to make converts but to bear witness and to meet God's other children...to know them and love them - ad majorem Dei gloriam: for the greater glory of God. It was, of course, as is so often the case, a heartbreaking disaster...

The pages expose us to the horrifyingly difficult questions and challenges of cross cultural engagement with beautiful tenderness. A must read!

I begin the sequel immediately.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Developing Patience Quickly...

Patience is a virtue, though not one that our culture either desires or cultivates. Speed is the virtue of contemporary culture. I have been impatient throughout my life. In fact I wonder if the past 6 year have not been primarily a rather extended lesson in patience. I did not want to waste time with education such as university... I wanted to do stuff, make stuff, make films, work, live life...

Recently I have wondered if my how much of my undergrad was a form of penance for my immature pride... I think I can say now that I regret my decision to do a 1 year digital film foundation program at CDIS/Ai Vancouver... If I wanted to work on big sets in the union then Capilano has the better programs... But what I really should have done was take the scholarship BCIT offered me and done their broadcasting program. The broadcasting program, however, was two years, rather than one and focussed on: Broadcasting...which I was not and continue to be uninterested in... BUT I am more interested in broadcasting than I am in cleaning cars with toothbrushes, which is what I spent 8 months doing last year. I could have had a career in broadcasting from which to pursue art. I am so damn uncompromising though and just wanted to pursue art and films. So what I really should have done, but didn't because I was impatient, was go to Emily Carr. I should have been an actual art student... I have repented and am repenting. I love education. I am happy to submit to the rigour and time of process and learning. I deeply value history and tradition and regret my previous dismissal of such courses, which have since proved to be the most valuable (perhaps especially for art and creativity). When I graduated high school I was looking for the quick and easy way to start life and as a result seem to continue to be waiting...

By the time I finish Regent...If I finish Regent... I will have spent at least 10 years attending school either part or full time... I could have become a doctor, or a dentist, or a lawyer in that time... I could have gotten a BFA, and MFA... I could have become a teacher... But I have and continue to have a 'flaw' in my decision making... I refuse to make practical compromises... I am working on making peace with the economic worthlessness of my education. Perhaps, my hypothetical BFA or English degree would have been equally worthless. Perhaps, with enough patience my life will eventually click into place.  Perhaps, meaninglessness and failure and poverty are also part of my penance. I have resigned myself to what I see as the inevitable reality that both education and in particular education in the school of patience are life long endeavours to be endured rather than accomplished.

I have made almost every single one of these educational decisions, whether later evaluated as good or bad, filled with faith and conviction regarding God's leading and providential care. How do you tell whether you have encountered God or are just chasing clouds through the desert?

This piece of this film reminds me of my life...


The Art of Compromise:
When does compromise cross the line and become unfaithfulness? Is it possible to live without compromise? Does God compromise? What compromises have worked out well for you? Which ones do you regret?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Hidden & Revealed

This is a post which contemplates identity, self and personhood...
I think it relates to previous posts of mine such as: Remember, Censorship, Out on a Limb, and Anxiety & Irresponsibility among others
And also Silas post Stories Collide Pt.1
And Danielle's Shake it like you mean it!

we are mixtures of light and shadow 
the hidden and revealed
both to ourselves and to others
we are both exposed and concealed

I was struck tonight by the vast number of ways I identify myself. Some of these identities are in conflict or at least seem to be. Many of the nuances of reality are simplified for various reasons. For example I am both proud and ashamed to identify as Scottish, part of my family heritage for which I am named and have since tatooed onto my body forcing the issue into conversation more than I really intended. I am in reality much more dominantly Dutch. However, when I did not receive the tall genes of my father and opa this became a sore point more than a source of pride or identity. I am defined precisely in paradox. 

What makes up our identity? We are a blender of nature, nurture, context, culture, history, tradition, narrative, and genetics... We are simultaneously unique and deeply connected. The book Beauty of the Lillies by John Updike, which I just finished reading highlights the intergenerational quality of the story of our lives. We are born into a story, continue it and pass it on... I think the Bible also highlights this intergenerational narrative of our lives of faith. "I am the God of you forefathers: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob" declares Yahweh... 

I try and situate myself in a intergenerational narrative: I am the fourth generation of film maker/photographer, following my father, opa and my opa's father. I am the fourth generation of my mother's family to worship God on the west coast of BC, following my mother, grandmother and great grandparents. It is this point that is interesting because it highlights the way we shape and mould our stories and identity. The way we edit. What we choose to reveal or hide, either by omission or intentional concealment. I rarely share my family's west coast history. This is at least in part because I am only minimally familiar with it and those who held this piece of my heritage died when I was young. My mother grew up in Sarnia and moved "home" to Victoria in her teens. My dad was born in Vancouver, but grew up all across America and in Holland, moving back to BC for University. British Columbia holds a gravity for my family that I tend to deny and have been trying to shake my whole life. I barely consider myself Canadian, identifying rather as European immigrant, having grown up on my Opa's stories of the Old Country, my Dad's stories of moped vacations in France, and my parents 6 month honeymoon of European travels. Stories held life and depth in contrast to the plastic and stick frame life of suburbia... My mother's father was born English and fought with the RAF in WWII. How I promote or demote these various facets of my life and many others deeply impact how I view myself and the story I find myself in. My dad's parents being still alive to participate and tell stories. This part of my history, therefore, has been in a bright spotlight for most of my life. This however, has cast into much deeper shadow, my mother's parents and family, shrouded in the silence of death. I find myself moving amongst the light and shadows of my own life desiring to explore and reveal parts and pasts hidden and to shade brighter spots. I am trying to both to understand and find my role in the intergenerational drama into which I have been born. Am I the heir to leap from amateur to professional in the photographic arts? I continue to try. Am I the exiled or prodigal son destined to return home to Europe? Or is escape to Europe merely another prodigal journey? Am I scholarly vindication of my frustrated grandfather, who didn't complete his Ph.D? With a family heritage of university education and teachers, education has been a value I was slow to embrace but now find that I love. Am I the white, educated, christian, suburban BC boy required to repent and and do penance for the sins of those before me responsible for residential schools and destruction of First Nations culture? Culture and history I share by direct family line and not only group association (I have at least one relative who taught in a school and my great grand father who worked for the government on reserves...)

I am unable to be seen completely by human eyes. Dark unknown spots and sins and shame merely shine brighter when revealed overpowering the rest. I experience my life as a frustrating puzzle with so many pieces I believe connect but I have lost the lid and cannot see the whole. I have moved more and more toward a desire for integration. All the jumbled pieces need to connect and as I search I find both connections and also more pieces... I feel like a tourist with amnesia searching through my suitcase trying to determine where I was supposed to go. 

i cannot hide but with revealing 
my revelation explicitly concealing
In my hiddenness I am most exposed
and in my nakedness remain unknown

Ok and now the theological question: How does God reveal himself in absence? Can God's presence be made known in absence? How? Why? etc.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Anxiety & Irresponsibility

I have concluded that I have internalized that fear and anxiety are the responsible response to almost everything. Life continues to happen. Things get finished. Everything is ok. But I feel irresponsible if I don't make sure that appropriately freak out in the midst of it all. People talk about how worrying doesn't help anything... is that true? Over the past 2 weeks, I had 5 assignments total, 3 of them quite sizeable and then I got sick and felt awful for about 3 days... I tried to make good relational decisions which at one point meant helping a friend instead of doing homework. This is when the anxiety kicked into overdrive, I was sick, behind on school, and between the two saw no way of things getting done. I wanted to die. I hate missing deadlines. I am horrified at the thought of tossing away marks on the classes that cost $1500. I was frustrated because I felt unsupported in my crisis. This is when anxiety begins to become angry and demanding. Amy usually feels the brunt of this. I emailed a prof and got a 4 day extension on one assignment due to my sickness and successfully finished everything on time. It is not that it was easy, getting everything done included 2 all nighters. But it did all happen and my life did not end despite my desires earlier last week that perhaps that would just best all around. In fact the sickness which felt at the time like condemnation and doom, was precisely what got me an extension and was perhaps, therefore, a blessing...?!?

I struggle, as many people do, to find value and personal worth in something larger and more consistent than my work. This is made worse by the fact that even my work (theology student/artist) is not valued in society and culture. I am sufficiently enculturated that my desire to create alternative community and maintain alternative world-view is incredibly difficult and my imagined alternatives fall squarely into the category of: irresponsible. This of course makes anxiety my bread and butter as I continue defiantly to try and chart a course into unknown waters, which seem doomed for failure and compromise. Unlike pastors or missionaries, academics and artists often pursue their sense of calling with minimal support as the unknown goals of exploring life, meaning and creative potential can be difficult to explain, time consuming, financially unrewarding and often too ambiguous to be convincingly worthwhile to the majority of pragmatic capitalist North America... Oh how I long to have the faith and conviction to live the light and anxiety free life of the sparrow or lily that Jesus has called us too (Matt. 6:25-28). 

Do not worry about tomorrow... But we tell our kids and grads to make 5 years plans... Do not worry about tomorrow... but we tell people to plan ahead... Do not worry about tomorrow... but we spend vast amounts of time and money on financial planning and retirement savings... Don't worry about tomorrow... but don't be stupid...

So, to my anxiety laden friends and and society: How do we live light and worry free lives? How do we escape the endless task of self justification and sufficiency? If the answer is Jesus why does there seem so little support in the church for this freedom from worry? Why does it in fact seem that the church is perhaps the most worried, anxious hand wringing institution of society? What is wrong with us?

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Means Vs. Ends

I am sure that everyone has now seen this:

It has been all over Facebook for the past day.

What are your thoughts? Is it a bandwagon worth jumping aboard? How are we (as Christians) supposed to interact with movements like this? Specifically, those of us who profess to be "pacifist" and see nonviolence as a large portion of the Christian call. What are your thoughts on supporting military missions such as this?

Personally, I continue to be torn. Invisible Children is an organization I have supported in the past. I think their goals are noble and worth supporting, but the means they sometimes use to reach their goals I question. So I pose the question (feel free to challenge the binary I set up): what is worse? To use means I do not fully support to accomplish a good goal OR to sit and do nothing (because I am currently not doing anything or coming up with any "third way" options).

I encourage you to watch the video, if you have not done so already. As for me, I am going to write a few e-mails tonight, and pray that they do a little bit of good.