Recently I have wondered if my how much of my undergrad was a form of penance for my immature pride... I think I can say now that I regret my decision to do a 1 year digital film foundation program at CDIS/Ai Vancouver... If I wanted to work on big sets in the union then Capilano has the better programs... But what I really should have done was take the scholarship BCIT offered me and done their broadcasting program. The broadcasting program, however, was two years, rather than one and focussed on: Broadcasting...which I was not and continue to be uninterested in... BUT I am more interested in broadcasting than I am in cleaning cars with toothbrushes, which is what I spent 8 months doing last year. I could have had a career in broadcasting from which to pursue art. I am so damn uncompromising though and just wanted to pursue art and films. So what I really should have done, but didn't because I was impatient, was go to Emily Carr. I should have been an actual art student... I have repented and am repenting. I love education. I am happy to submit to the rigour and time of process and learning. I deeply value history and tradition and regret my previous dismissal of such courses, which have since proved to be the most valuable (perhaps especially for art and creativity). When I graduated high school I was looking for the quick and easy way to start life and as a result seem to continue to be waiting...
By the time I finish Regent...If I finish Regent... I will have spent at least 10 years attending school either part or full time... I could have become a doctor, or a dentist, or a lawyer in that time... I could have gotten a BFA, and MFA... I could have become a teacher... But I have and continue to have a 'flaw' in my decision making... I refuse to make practical compromises... I am working on making peace with the economic worthlessness of my education. Perhaps, my hypothetical BFA or English degree would have been equally worthless. Perhaps, with enough patience my life will eventually click into place. Perhaps, meaninglessness and failure and poverty are also part of my penance. I have resigned myself to what I see as the inevitable reality that both education and in particular education in the school of patience are life long endeavours to be endured rather than accomplished.
I have made almost every single one of these educational decisions, whether later evaluated as good or bad, filled with faith and conviction regarding God's leading and providential care. How do you tell whether you have encountered God or are just chasing clouds through the desert?
This piece of this film reminds me of my life...
When does compromise cross the line and become unfaithfulness? Is it possible to live without compromise? Does God compromise? What compromises have worked out well for you? Which ones do you regret?
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