Paying Attention...

“The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight.  The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention…More than anything else, attention is an act of connection.” – Julia Cameron

I was privileged recently to experience this connection through paying attention.  Due to some minor complications with my pregnancy, I have been off work already for almost three weeks.  I am now 31 weeks pregnant and experiencing all of the changes that entails – swollen feet, body aches, feeling ‘too big to be allowed’, and general discomfort.  Most of my time is spent at home so I was happy to join Duncan for a short trip to Granville Island recently.  He had a meeting so I set myself up at a coffee shop with a book (http://www.amazon.ca/The-Optimistic-Child-Depression-Resilience/dp/0618918094 for the book; for more on Dr. Seligman, check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Seligman).

I was lucky enough to find a table to myself with three extra seats around it that were free so I could freely spread out my stuff and my girth...Being the weekend, the place was busy so I was not surprised when a white-haired woman and her husband asked if they could join me while they sipped their own coffees.  I smiled and said ‘sure’ and they joined me.  I went back to my book and they made awkward small talk – all of us seemingly uncertain how to incorporate each other into our current existence.  Once I got to the point of feeling too awkward in my own body, I put my book down in order to pick up my London Fog and surreptitiously ‘observe the surroundings’ before striking up a conversation with the lady sitting beside me.  In about 15 minutes, she had shared with me much of her story (originally from Northern Ontario, now living on the Sunshine Coast but comes down sometimes as her son has a place down here and is gone two weeks out of each month for work, etc) and we kept up with other chatter and comments (how we should visit the Sunshine Coast, etc, etc).  What I started to realize as I listened to this retired woman sharing her story was that I was really enjoying myself.  I was enjoying HER really, as she shared her story with me.  In paying attention to her, with my head out of my book, a smile on my face, I was connecting with a woman who I simply could have ignored and yet because I did not, I was able to delight in interacting with her. 

Soon, the couple had finished their coffees and decided to go check out more shops.  I remained seated but instead of going back to my book, I decided to keep my head up and take in my surroundings - to pay attention.   Minutes after the couple left, a woman who was sitting by us, observing the interaction I just had, came up to simply tell me that she thought I looked just beautiful, even, and especially since I probably did not feel like it right now.  Wow!  When does that ever happen??  (And how can I make it happen more often?).  She went back to her conversation at her own table and I remained at mine, now sporting a stupid, but delighted smile on my face.

Shortly after this, two older women asked if they could then join me at my table and I happily obliged.  They joined me and again we shared bits of our stories, connecting with each other rather than just our coffee cups.

All of this occurred within the 40-ish minutes that Duncan was in a meeting.  He then came and picked me up and we went home, however, the experience stayed with me and continued to keep a smile on my face for the rest of the day, as now I carried not just myself and baby along, but also pieces of these amazing women that I had met.

I’m interested to hear other stories that people have of what happens when they pay attention!