Olympic Sprawl

As I was watching the Olympics I heard the commentators discussing the way that particularly the summer Olympics have sprawled to include such a large number of events, which require such a vast amount of infrastructure, that there is very significant burden placed on the host city. And sometimes, such as Athens 2004, Olympic venues become Olympic ruins as they have no use or value after the event. This is dumb.

Currently this is the list of summer Sports:

Aquatic, Archery, Athletics(track&field), Badminton, Basketball, Boxing, Cycling, Canoe/Kayak, Equestrian, Fencing, Field Hockey, Football(Soccer), Golf, Gymnastics, Handball, Judo, Modern, Pentathlon, Rowing, Rugby, Sailing, Shooting, Table Tennis, Taekwondo, Tennis, Triathlon, Volleyball, Weightlifting, Wrestling

A total number 26 different sports. In comparison, the winter Olympics has 7.
The summer Olympics has a total 302 events. In comparison the winter Olympics has 98.

I think perhaps that in attempting to increase the importance and social draw of the Olympics we have, mistakenly, as with so many things, increased the size, under the false assumption that bigger is better.  The IOC is aware of this and have recently eliminated baseball and softball from the Olympics and also seem to have a guideline that Olympic additions require subtractions. This is positive but not enough.

I would like to propose some basic rules that would trim down excess Olympic sports and events.

Rule #1: 
If there is already a a professional sports league in which top athletes earn over $1 000 000+ a year, it shouldn't be in the Olympics.

This definitly eliminates: basketball, soccer, rugby, golf, tennis and possibly boxing...

Rule #2:
Subjective sports that require panels of judges to score performance shouldn't be in the Olympics.

This eliminates: gymnastics, diving, synchronized swimming.

Rule #3: 
Sports that rely on significant non human powered elements to accomplish tasks should not be in the olympics.

This eliminates: Sailing, Equestrian and shooting.

These 3 simple rules would, in my opinion, improve the Olympics and help eliminate sprawl. Furthermore, it would help democratize and globalize the sports and events more fairly by eliminating some of the most socio economically exclusive sports such as tennis, golf, sailing and equestrian, which reek of western white privilege.

These rules reduce the number of sports to 14.

While the above three rules are a good start, lets add a few more:
Rule #4:
Olympic sports should regularly, commonly and conceivably occur outside.

This eliminates: ping pong. It also ensures bar sports like bowling, pool and darts will never become Olympic events.

Rule #5: 
In the spirit of peace and common humanity, Olympic sports should not be violently adversarial.

This eliminates: fencing, judo, taekwondo, modern pentathlon and wrestling.

Rule #6:
Sports should have an "Olympic" quality.

This is my cop out to eliminate the other sports/events I want rid of: archery, badminton, field hockey, handball and probably volleyball...

MORE CUTS!
There are too many events so we need to make some more cuts.

Aquatic: 
No relays. Swimming relays make no sense in the real world. Rule #4
Water Polo. Water polo, no matter how difficult, is ridiculous. Rule #6

Athletics:

The 2 walking events should be eliminated. Rule #6

Triple Jump should be eliminated. How was this even invented? Rule #6

Cycling: 
Any races that involve points or pace bikes should be eliminated. Rule #6

Weightlifting:
Weightlifting should not have weight classes at the Olympic level. Otherwise we should start factoring in leg length in running competitions, height in high jumps, armspan in swimming etc.

As you can see I have hacked and slashed the Olympics into a perfect modern competition of strength and speed.
Aquatic

Athletics (track & field)

Cycling
Canoe/Kayak

Rowing

Triathlon

Weightlifting

As a result some of the flashiest most spectator friendly events have been dropped, perhaps to your disappointment. To this end I would like to also make a suggestion of some additions to the Olympics to make up for some of this:

Gymnastics:
#1: A parkour style obstacle course race which utilizes gymnastic skills in the pursuit of speed.
#2: A skills competition in which competitors compete with specific tricks.
Each skill having to be completed to move on to the next one, similar to high jump. Rules can be set regarding what qualifies as successful completion. Perfect landing collect bonus points and can be used to break ties. Ties could also be broken by head to duels in which gymnasts must copy each other until someone fails like the basket ball game HORSE. 

Skateboarding:
#1: Urban Racing - including stairs, rails and obstacles, with a simple time penalty for falls.
#2: Longboard street racing

Climbing:
#1: Time Trials
#2: Bouldering

Well, thats all I've got. What do you think?

Branding Police - Corporate Facism

As a follow up to my last post: Branding - this news item caught my eye...

Once you have created a brand and you have trademarked it and own it... You must now defend it and destroy all who would seek to infringe upon it for personal benefit.

The London 2012 Olympic committee has organized their own enforcement army, clothed in purple, which is in the midst of investigating, fining, prosecuting or intimidating into submission the likes of 81 year old grandmothers, local florists and butchers, long established English businesses have been forced to change their names or face fine up to $60 000.

French fries have been banned at over 800 retailers at the behest of McDonalds who hold exclusive rights.

The the imperial (based on their purple uniforms) international corporate olympic army and are not only attacking local business but are investigating the British 'Royal family'... Kate Middleton's parents business, an online retailer is selling unofficial olympic themed merchandise that has caused concern.

Here is the list of banned/controlled words/symbols:

The Olympic Symbol (the five interlocking rings)
The Olympic Motto (Citius Altius Fortius' / 'Faster Higher Stronger'
Olympic (s)
Olympiad (s)
Olympian (s)
The Paralympic Symbol (the three 'agitos')
The Paralympic Motto ('Spirit in Motion')
Paralympic (s)
Paralympiad (s)
Paralympian (s)
London
Games
Summer
Two thousand and twelve
2012
Twenty Twelve
Medals
Gold
Silver
Bronze
Sponsors

One clever owner has avoided prosecution and is being hailed as a hero for this clever work around:

The Olympics was once a celebration of human achievement, international peace and camaraderie... The games were reborn from ancient Greece, as an idea for social reform in Victorian Britain...

It has become the most blatant example of corporate harlotry and fascism: thus perfectly reflecting our narcissistic consumer culture. In perfect unity with the prevision of goodwill and clean sports to corporate profit, the mascots of the games are two giant one eyed monsters...

That's right penises.

Apparently that mascots charge 1000 British pounds to attend school events... but somehow marketing  these abominations for bachelorette parties seems more profitable.

Why the nearly bankrupt country of Greece has not sued the IOC for usurping their moral and historical ownership of the Olympics or at least the name Olympics is beyond me... If it is possible to own single words certainly Greece should have a claim on that one.

Woe to you daughters of England! For the language you birthed in your youth has been sold into slavery in Egypt, it has been exiled to whore in the palaces of Babylon and bleeds for the pleasure of Rome. As you find your tongue and your pen bound and silenced, only your sword will stand between you and the corporate apocalypse. 

http://ca.sports.yahoo.com/blogs/olympics-fourth-place-medal/london-olympics-branding-police-subverted-devilish-formalwear-shop-173007466--oly.html

http://sports.nationalpost.com/2012/07/23/olympic-brand-police-out-in-full-force/

http://ca.sports.yahoo.com/blogs/olympics-fourth-place-medal/middletons-receive-royal-treatment-olympic-faux-pas-195222485--oly.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2151907/London-2012-Olympics-What-Much-Wenlock-teach-todays-greedy-control-freaks.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/britain-flooded-with-brand-police-to-protect-sponsors-7945436.html