I am judged by my appearance all the time. This has happened for as long as I can remember.
I have been asked on airplanes, while of legal age, if I will be travelling alone suggesting that I am under the age of 13 and would normally be accompanied by a parent.
I have been asked for identification while purchasing clothing because I "do not look old enough to have a credit card".
In the past, I brushed off the frequent comments about my youthful looks but now with my experience in the Diversity Education office I have learnt a great deal about discrimination and recognize these comments as examples of ageism.
My conversation with this women in the stairway continued. "How old are you?" I ask, with snarky expression. "Oh me, I am very old, but you, you look very young." I did not give the woman my age but with disdain replied, "I have a degree, I am employed full time and this is my career."
Maybe this was not the best way to respond to the discrimination I was feeling. I am sure this woman was simply unaware of the offense of her outrageous assumptions.
I am wondering if you have experienced an "ism" lately. When was the last time you encountered racism, sexism, ethnocentrism, heterosexism, ableism, elitism, classism or others? Where did you experience or witness this, at work, school or church? How did you respond?
I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it.(mabe she did I wasn't there) Maybe she wa trying to pay you a compliment. Age is a weird thing. People get offended either way. Some would get offended if she said you're look old for you age.
ReplyDeleteThe problem I want to highlight here is that people are unaware of discrimination most of the time. I have done and said discriminatory things, largely because I was unaware. My lack of understanding does not disqualify my actions as discrimination. It is important for everyone to know what discrimination is, so that we can be aware of what we say and do, so that we can empower people instead of oppress them.
ReplyDeleteFor sure discrimination is a huge issue
DeleteHoney, let me just tell you that this too shall pass and one day people will think you are way younger than you are and guess what, YOU'LL LOVE IT"
ReplyDelete*like
DeleteThanks Charmaine, this might pass one day for me, but there are issues of oppression and discrimination that may not pass for others. The biggest issues I deal with are being female and occasionally being judged by my appearance. But I am white and part of the dominant societal group in Canada. I have education, a professional job, I am middle class and a Protestant Christian. All of these characteristics give me power and privilege in society. This post is about more that wanting to look older or to be viewed as equal. This post is about oppression. I was trying to use this small experience as a spring board to discuss other issues of discrimination.
ReplyDeleteI think maybe its we should elaborate more. is all discrimination bad? I found two definitions
ReplyDelete1)the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, esp. on the grounds of race, age, or sex.
2)Recognition and understanding of the difference between one thing and another.
I think the first definition is the one your getting at. I would unjust treatment totally leads to oppression but I would also argue discrimination in the sense of recognizing differences is not. For example I don't see anything oppressiveness about having a sr. prices at the movies. They are on a fixed income. Or I don't see anything oppressive about people getting a tax break for having kids. I don't see anything oppressiveness about only women working in a women's shelter on Hastings. and I don't see anything oppressive and discrimination based on skill. If I have cancer I'm going to want to know where you got your education. I don't want to find out you got your Dr. on some online course - I want to know you went to a good school
This is exactly what I am getting at Dan! Thanks for articulating it so well. Recognition and understanding of difference is good and unjust treatment based on these differences is bad.
DeleteI like the examples you have given about how people are treated well according to their differences.
How did you come to these conclusions? How do you measure what are good actions in recognition of differences and what is oppressive?
It's funny because I read this when you posted it, and thought to myself "hm, I can't recall a time when I was a victim of ageism" (although there have been more than a few times when I've been a victim of sexist comments, as I'm sure most females have.)So then today was teaching a CPR course, and as I introduced myself I included the number of years I've been teaching with the Township (six years)as part of talking about my background. One of the men taking the course, about 55 years old, then commented "so since you were nine?"
ReplyDeleteHis comment totally caught me off guard, as I'm a very tall athletic girl who really doesn't get these sorts of comments...so my first response was lashing in defence, but then it crossed my mind that his intention was likely not to hurt me. So I resolved by sort of chuckling, then saying with an agreeable tone "No. I'm young, yes, but not that young"
So after mulling this over tonight, and after assuring myself there's no use thinking about what I "should have said", I'm left wondering.
In our culture there are lots of attitudes that people have that are indeed oppressive, but I think lots of these people are not even aware of the implications of these attitudes. Some of these ideas are just so culturally engrained in some of us. You know what I mean? Like making comments such as the ones that you or I experienced, or comments I've experienced before that indicate female oppression. And because subtle comments are socially accepted, we are told by others that these are comments we should just 'look past' or 'ignore.'
But their true implications...these are things that we should not ignore.
So my question is, how do we engage with these comments and attitudes in a way that educates, but also empathizes, and ultimately does defend?
I'm sure that the kind of character needed to respond well to these comments is a character that I'm still on the road to achieving, that's for sure.
Thanks for sharing Alicia. I am learning more about how to respond to discrimination daily. I think it all depends on the situation and if it is safe to address the discrimination or not. If it is safe to address, I think it is helpful to name it, to indicate "that was a racist comment". Or "That is an example of ageism". I think it is also very important to address discrimination when we notice it happening to others, to speak in solidarity of people who are being oppressed. I think calling attention to discriminatory acts without demeaning or publicly shaming the offender is key. Please share any other ideas about how to respond as you think of them.
DeleteI have want to "grow up"/be or be perceived as older since at least probably 9 or 10. My success or non success in sports was often directly attributed to my height/lack thereof... I have perhaps been trying to compensate ever since, with a great/huge beard, older girlfriends, etc. I have since 14 deliberately tried to look older than I am until a couple of weeks ago... I looked in a mirror and decided that yes I looked older but now 27 looking like I was a washed up 35 was no longer positive. In my early 20's I don't think I ever really cracked looking older than 25 even with a huge beard. So in response I of course cut my hair and shaved my beard and dropped about 10 years and for a couple of days probably looked 23 (I have a baby face). So in response to your question... I have no idea how much oppression I have or haven't experienced relating to age but I have been paranoid about it and interpreted a lot of things in relation to my paranoia... What is interesting is I definitely thought, when I was 19 that I just need to be/look 27 and people would take me seriously and listen to me. But now that I'm 27 I don't feel like my experience is much different, especially because my context has changed so dramatically. People who know me usually listen, and I usually talk whether people are listening or not... I think a lot of our experience has to do with context and the interaction of different people's own self conciousness about age, looks and value. I wonder if the woman who commented Danielle is concerned not about you (which is part of the problem) but her self conciousness about age and value. Youth is such a strong cultural value in North America is it any wonder that as we age we become defensive of the very same whipper snappers we used to be fighting for a place in society? The question looms what if I am about to be replaced? What if there is no place for me? The question of how do I fit in? Is one that I think looms large across the age spectrum and is exacerbated by the transience of contemporary work and community which forces this question to be constantly readdressed as we find ourselves in new and alien contexts.
ReplyDeleteDuncan, that was a really interesting and thoughtful way to describe what people sometimes call, "lateral oppression," which is basically one oppressed group perpetuating discrimination against another oppressed group. You were giving the example of someone, who, perceiving themselves as becoming "old," (and less valuable by Canadian society's standards) uses their own insecurity to discriminate against someone who is "young" (and less valuable by Canadian society's standards.)
ReplyDeleteIn response to Danielle's post, where she asked if people have ever experience discrimination in church, I'd say that I've experienced many forms of oppression when I have visited churches (or groups of people affiliated with a Christian church). I've experienced racism; xenophobia; homophobia; sexism; classism; and ageism. I think it's good for groups to remember that they/we are never immune to a societal problem. Just because a group of people strives to uphold good values doesn't eliminate oppression. We must remain aware of this and actively work at finding ways of changing this.